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I'm Upset...
All of it has to do with Rob. I've told him over and over again that I can't focus on me if he isn't focusing on him and I'm feeling like a) I've been having the same conversation with him for years now and b) this has been the longest year (from last July to now) ever and he definitely isn't focusing on himself.
So... long story short, we know Rob had the surgery last July, finished up treatment in September and has been out of work since the surgery which means no income has been coming in...stress. He's been doing odd jobs here and there for income (along with some other stuff that I'm sure I'm unaware of). He got in a car accident not too long ago. He decided to foster some kids for the money and ended up with a nightmare of an older teen. I guess the teen's story is that he's gay and was molested and now a lot of his interactions are sexually charged. I don't know. I met him once and then I saw him in his underwear...and this was the last time I seen Rob and I had an issue with it.
Apparently this kid fights, drinks, gets in trouble with police and gets testy when people that he isn't familiar with come around which is why Rob's been keeping me at bay ( I remember him telling me how he tried to fight Tone when he came over once...crazy s**t...and Tone is pretty large).
Last weekend he agreed to come to my walkthrough with me and couldn't because his car allegedly broke down And NOW apparently there's a boot on said car (he just got it back after it got fixed up after the accident) and a window busted out of his green truck. Man, this guy can't get a break. I say allegedly because I haven't seen any of this...well, I saw pics of the accident and the boot and I met the snotty-nosed teen. Apparently, there's another teen that was recently removed from the house because the snooty-nosed one is a bully and was fighting him.
I feel some type of way because a) I told him not to do this foster thing...and getting a teenage is the worst it could've gotten and b) now I'm being kept away from my home because of said snotty-nosed teenager.
I asked Rob if it was all worth it...and it's not. He can't even live his life, have people over...or ******** breathe let alone do the things he actually needs to do.
When I told him that he needs to start focusing on him and his life, I meant looking for work and figuring out a way to finish these last 15 credits. I think the hard part with that is that he has no help with his Father and providing care for him, even if it's for a couple hours a day is expensive when done right. Otherwise, he's letting riff raff in his home and we don't need anymore of that.
Rob's plan is to have Maurice live in the house and dump all that on him but Maurice is just getting out of jail and if this situation isn't working for Rob, why does he think it's going to work for Maurice? If he gets a job, you're still gonna have to deal with someone taking care of Bobby. No shade but he's the issue. Dementia care is expensive AF and you can't leave him alone at home for too long. That requires outside help or someone that can sit in the house all day long...or work from home...and no one else will take him.
It's just a lot. Honestly, if the rest of the family doesn't care that much then it is what it is. At this point Rob's ready to leave Philly. I love Philly but it's been a lot for him and I recall one of my goals several years back was to move back to DC (or elsewhere) and bring him with me. Leave all the extraness, sour memories, leechy friends, exes and negative influences and try something new. I tell you this though, he will definitely be working even if it's parttime. I'm not playing that.
But yes, I feel some type of way and I'm upset. I shouldn't have to beg to spend time with him, especially if I haven't seen him in about a month. I feel some type of way because he's almost 45 and can't seem to get himself together and this is something I've been noticing over the past couple of years. He's good at surviving but when it comes to pushing past that and actually thriving...that comes a little more of a challenge and I need for him to push through that part.
I guess I'm also upset because he bailed on coming to see my mom when she was here and my walkthrough. There have been tons of infractions on him over the past few months and, again, I'm starting to feel like I'm not a priority and he really doesn't give a ******** if he did...he wouldn't let this boy stop me from coming up and/or he'd make it down. That and I feel like having a 45-year-old boyfriend should come with some perks i.e. him having his life together, money together and being able to provide additional funds for situations like this. There's no way we should both be dead broke and struggling. For all that, I'd date someone my age...the ********. And again, I try to take into consideration the whole cancer thing and how it's only been a year and I always have to scream at myself to relax and be patient when it comes to that. It's only been a year, I think when we start to get to 2+ years then, it's time to raise some concerns.
So yes, there's a myriad of reasons why I'm in my feelings regarding him right now and I really wanna tear in his a** about all of them. Eventually, I will.
I think I got a lot of that pent up frustration out for now. Today I think I'll collect some things from Dad's house and put them in my car to take to my house tomorrow after work. I'll take most of the clothes together but misc stuff like the pull up bar, protein powers, notebooks and other stuff like that I can put in the car today to drop it off after work tomorrow.
That and I've decided that I don't really need a bed. I'll sleep on an air mattress until I can buy the bed in cash. But I still really need some kind of a second job. The difficult part with that is the goal of this second job is to get some quick, easy money to stack and do other things with. But I need it to be easy, not exhausting and ideally somewhat supplemental to my current job in some way shape or form. I dunno.
More to come a little later. I want to talk more about a second job, moving and this Thailand trip next.
Love heart
Ryo
Mood: Decent whee Music: "I'm Upset" - Drake from Scorpion
Ryonosuke · Wed Jul 04, 2018 @ 05:31pm · 0 Comments |
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