Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

7-10-2008

I really don't update this often enough. I'm not really sure why I even bother at this point, but here I am.
I must've told this story a dozen times by now, but to this day it remains ingrained in my mind. The feeling has never really gone away, even after all these years.

"You should be my lover. Maybe you'll treat me better than he did."
Those were the words that changed my life forever.

At this time I had been spending more and more time away from my original home of Graal and more time here on Gaia. My old friend, Brennan, had introduced me to the woman he had been seeing. I remember not thinking much of her at the time. The way he spoke of her made her out to seem like little more than your typical high school attention whore, cam shows and all. But she was more than that. The more time I spent with her, the more I would find myself getting attached. Perhaps too attached.
Her name was Christina. She was a young, slender, fair skinned young woman with long blond hair and radiant blue eyes. She was gorgeous. I remember wondering why a girl like that would ever have given someone like Brennan the time to day. I guess we all just get kinda lonely sometimes, right? Well Christina just so happened to live not too far from me and my hometown at the time, and her mother was seeing someone who lived just south. This would prove instrumental in the events that would later transpire.
Brennan had been away for a week at camp, and he had asked me to "keep her company" while he was out. We spent hours talking to each other. I can hardly remember much of what was spoken of. I simply remember taking pity on her. Not just for how abusive Brennan had been to her, but how abusive I had been as well. I treated her terribly. Participated in many of the cruel things Brennan would do to her. Made her the butt of so many jokes. I even joked about throwing eggs at her mother's car and flipping her off as they drove through my hometown on the way to see her mother's boyfriend. I'm still ashamed, really.
It was a warm summer evening, not unlike any other that was typical at the time. We were in another chat session back in the days when AOL Instant Messenger was still a thing. We got into talking about him again. By this time he'd been gone for well over a week and it was just the two of us. Then it happened: she asked me out. She actually thought that at that point I would make a better boyfriend than Brennan.
I remember being flooded so many thoughts at that moment. What would I say? What could I say? I'd never met anyone from the internet in real life before, let alone had a girlfriend in real life. I was just a young, naive, fourteen year old kid. Of course my answer was yes, or else I wouldn't be here with you writing about it, would i? That yes would go on to change my life forever. However, the details of that relationship aren't for this particular entry. This is all about that fateful day in early July thirteen years ago now.

What can I say, looking back on it now, thirteen years later? Would I change any of it? Take any of it back, perhaps? I don't think so.
The lesson in all of this? You never really know what you're getting yourself into. I know I didn't.
Why am I even writing all of this right now? Probably because I don't really have anyone else to talk to, and I needed to get this off my chest. That's what journals are for, isn't it?
Why should I even care after all these years? I'm sure she doesn't. Probably hasn't even bothered to pay this date any mind in well over a decade. The thing is, I'm not sure myself. I suppose I'm just too sentimental for my own good, and I need a new hobby.
However, if you are reading this, and if you do still care, even just an inkling: just know that I'm still here. And if at any point you should like to reconnect some time, I'd be more than happy to say hello. Just a chat after all these years would be nice, honestly. That's enough rambling for now though, I suppose.
Cheers, Christina. And happy July 10th.