This drug has made my life a living nightmare.... coming off of it at least. I started taking it in the first place to get off a drug called kratom, which is not a controlled substance but probably should be. Now I am using kratom to get off suboxone...
This last week getting off this s**t I've had major anger problems and it's effected my self worth extremely negatively. I've lashed out at people to bring them pain for no apparent reason other than being in pain myself. And feeling stuck in this state.
I was doing fine when I first got here when I was on suboxone but now I've been spiraling out of control. I wish I never would have taken it in the first place because I don't know what to do. I took down my twitter so at least I can't hurt anyone again.... I'm just afraid if I'm not careful something bad is going to happen to me for the hurt I've caused people for internet "trolling."
I feel like in some sense I probably deserve to no longer live. I've been a horrible person to people around me and wouldn't be surprised if God just wanted to take my soul because I've been so selfish, hurtful and stupid. At least if he took my soul now, that Twitter wouldn't be around immortalizing what a terrible person I've been.
I don't feel like I normal person. I feel dark and empty inside. I feel ashamed that I haven't done more to find a job. I feel like a coward and a failure. I feel unlovable. I feel like with the amount of vaping I do coupled with all the caffeine I could just have a heart attack and die someday. I'd feel so bad for my mom if that happened, she's tried so hard. But at this point I feel like I deserve it for attacking sex workers on Twitter because of how horrible I felt inside.
· Mon May 08, 2023 @ 01:25am · 0 Comments