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Im a bit Nihilistic, nothing feels like it really matters much.

Even getting out of bed, I had to remind myself about 4 times in 30 minutes to finally get up. ( I saw each time my alarm clock by my bedside was getting close to time to get up, 1st 9:16, 2nd 9:22, 3rd 9:30..then 9:36. )

Im up but dont feel like I deserve to be here, to work as my job is a bunch of repeating stuff help up by time an stress related constraints.

But if I didn't work it would make everyone else's life miserable so I HAVE TO WORK.

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