found on fanfiction
Disclaimer: I do not own FMA
This is a purely out-there theory, and it's not meant to be believed. But it's different to think about. xD
Spoilers about Lab 5 and Fuhrer Bradley.
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Insults
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Roy Mustang was prone to a lot of highly classified information. His best friend in the Investigations Department let slip to him all the time about military secrets, and his own subordinates were a healthy source of gossip. It was with this increased knowledge of goings-on that he could manipulate others' lives so well to fit his own purposes. He was one of the few military officers who knew about the inner-workings of Lab Five, and he was one of the few who could recognize the Fuhrer as a Homunculus.
But Roy Mustang was the only man who knew the exact reason why Edward Elric hated to be called 'short.' And he made use of this top-secret information every time he was alone with the blonde.
"You're short." The declaration was made in a low tone, but one that easily carried to Edward's "height-sensitive" ears.
The blond teen sputtered, face growing red with rage. Frustration (of any type) was known to make Edward Elric lose control of himself. And the red splotches on his cheeks were just so…endearing to Mustang.
"You're smaller than a dust particle that's floating in the air with a parachute."
The randomness didn't register in Ed's brain; he only focused on the smaller than a dust particle part.
"You're so small that I could fit infinite amounts of you inside my pocket."
The Fullmetal Alchemist swelled.
Roy smirked, loving Ed's reaction. His eyes swept over the shaking teen's body, close to breaking point, and his smirk grew as he noticed the younger alchemist's blush intensify. "You're so tiny that you'd need a specially-made step-ladder just to reach the first step of a normal-size step-ladder."
Edward's back straightened and stiffened, his now rigid spine doing little to keep his dignity. His gloved hands started to wave about in jerky movements, drawing Roy's attention to the spastic motions. What a lovely distraction, those waving fists, from other physical responses that came about from calling Ed 'short.'
"You're so small that a crack in a cobble-stone street would seem to you like a huge canyon."
Edward growled deep in his throat, the twitching of his body getting more out-of-control as Roy kept insulting his height. But he didn't lunge or attack. Yet.
"You're so small that I could hide you under my bed without fear of suffocating you."
Finally, Ed verbally responded with clenched teeth, "Why would you have me under your bed when I could be in it, b*****d?"
Roy grinned. "All wound up, Edward?" He purred. He positively purred.
"Yes, I'm ready, you a**!" Ed moaned before leaping at Mustang, wildly attacking him with lips and teeth, steel fingers nearly ripping off Roy's military jacket with haste and impatience. He groaned again, rocking his hips against Mustang's to show him just how ready he was after the "short foreplay."
Only Roy knew "short-jokes" could be such a turn-on for the Fullmetal Alchemist.
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A/N: Uh…don't ask. I know it's a stretch, but at least it's…different. xD And think about Ed's 'reaction' after Roy's "fit-Ed-in-my-pocket" insult. Go on. Think.
-Kara
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