So this is what it feels like to have your heart broken again by the same person. I mean, wow...I must be incredibly stupid to have feelings for someone who played me for a fool. Maybe its just my urge to have someone care about me, but damnit it hurts.
It really does hurt, and I never imagined that I'd get this deep into this bullshit. Part of me just wants to be something special, but apparently no one seems to think I am...at least anyone I want to think so.
So yeah, I am lonely, pathetic and stupid.
Just horrendously stupid.
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Stupid-no-Jutsu : The art of being stupid.
Finally released in a totally unabridged format.
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ShaIIow Community Member |
EmperorTsu
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It's his loss, not yours. stressed Where are you meeting all these back stabbing guys? O_o You'd think that at least one of them would feel comfortable being yours eek
Er.. you talk about every guy you meet wanting a fling with you.. that they don't believe in old fashioned values like long term commitment, after marriage, etc.. You must be dating the wrong type of guys that are looking for immature stuff.
In response to what you said earlier, I think all the men that hit on you are likely looking for sex.. but there are alot of men that don't hit on girls. I never do in person.. I'm too insecure about it being exactly what you said - some sort of short term fling that only ends up making me feel like crap.
Your friends are likely fine with being open, and switching boyfriends every once in awhile.. but your not.. you enjoy that closeness, it makes you feel confident, and loved - and just having fun with a guy is not enough - but sometimes you think it is. You need to seriously reconsider what a relationship means to you, and understand that men are very different than women.
A guy can say he loves a girl just because of what she wears or what she looks like - but it's vanity. You want something deeper than that. Deeper than just an impression, and with the right sort of guy who isn't obsessed with getting into a girls' pants. It's very sophisticated to get those things that you want. But getting them from guys that are always fixated on your body is not going to get you anywhere.
Your very accepting of guys, because you think you can fix them.. no different than what I've felt about women. I can make them change, I can make them feel secure. But after several breakups that where serious.. I've learned that's not the case.. You can't push someone to be something special, unless that's what they truely want. Your afraid of commitment, but you envy what other women have. You have to choose what you want, and stick with it.
Either you don't trust men, and you give them the lust side of things to get the attention you want. Or you become vulnerable to a man you trust. Neither is easy. but you can't choose both. And apparently.. you can't choose neither. If you don't trust a guy.. you need to find out why, and what it means. xp
You need time to heal.. you need to choose true friends that aren't just interested in good times, because they can abandon you, while true friends will try to sympathetic to how you feel, or what you need in life. You need time to think, to understand, it may hurt knowing that someone you feel attracted to doesn't want the same things as you.. but sometimes you have to let go, sometimes you have to be firm in what you want, and refuse anything else.
Although honestly.. I find it ironic that a guy like me has to tell you anything.. I always thought women had it much easier than guys, even the nice ones >< Oh.. and stop ignoring my messages.. grr! stare