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Am I really doing the right thing anymore? |
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I know I'm tired when I work, come home, sleep, wake up 5 hours later to go to school, survive a full 16 hours of school, and fall asleep again the moment I get home.
I know I'm tired when all I can see is how much I want to run UBRS to get some more cool stuff for my guildies, run UStrat to hope I get my Magister's Boots, or run LBRS for some SWEET stuff that dropped faster than the stock market during the Depression. Or maybe grind out some Timbermaw rep so I can get rid of that stupid Winterfall quest stuff. Or maybe get some phat golds to pay for my epic mount.
I know I'm tired when I can barely sign onto Gaia without going "Oh no" and sign off again when I see my inbox, and worse, the reports I know full well I should be doing, but am not doing in favor of playing WoW.
When I can barely focus, when all I can do is stare blindly at reports, prod at PMs and nuke them, when all I think about is grinding out rep with Argent Dawn or Frostwolf, I wonder if I should stay a mod.
I'll come back someday, maybe in two weeks, but with final projects due next week, as next week's Finals Week, with my 21st birthday in just a week and a half, with a blessed 3 weeks of NOTHING but lazing around the computer all day or doing chores around the house, maybe it'd be better if I just left for awhile.
I'm not being productive, I can't remember who has what s**t happening to them half the time when they PM me, even though I know somewhere I should start keeping some sort of archive for easy access and know I used to be able to handle that kind of stuff, I can't even bring myself to do reports because I'm so stressed out from finals.
My run as a moderator, for now, may be over.
Unless they want to let me continue as I am, puttering around and floundering here and there, trying to bring energy back into modding, but it's hard when my undead mage calls out for more bloodshed (DAMN PALLY BUBBLE!! DIIIIEEEE!!!! *facestab*), for more loot, for more fun with the guildies who jokingly hit on me because apparently, cute females who play WoW are as rare as an epic dropping off of a mob, or as rare as Rend dropping both rogue swords in the same battle (which happened the other night!).
One hand:
I hit 60. Attuned to MC and BWL, running a different instance every night with my awesome guild. The best hordeside guild on my server's asking me to run with them. I'm respected with my abilities as my guild's most active 60 mage (Cainen's been busy as of late), and am making friends right and left thanks to my conduct, knowing how to play my class, and knowing to pass and let others get the PH4T LEWTS that drop if I don't desperately need it, or would only vendor it for a little bit of money.
People care when I was AWOL for more than 30 hours because they know I love to play so much, tha I want to help.
Other hand:
I am an omni. I have a duty, of sorts, to help the people of Gaia, a halfway thankless task especially when someone who was blatantly botting claims they were not, and insists that the hundreds of thousands of gold they received was legitimate, or that the same IP accounts on their username are not theirs.
Or when a hacker claims they didn't hack and go into another user's account out of a) revenge, b) spite, c) for the hell of it, d) my cousin scammed/hacked someone for the hell of it. Or when you silly Exchangers get yourselves hacked/scammed/were banned due to varying causes and reasons (when will you all learn that people who claim "Oh, I'll give you a ______ if you give me ____k first!" claims are just scams? =/)
My duty versus my happiness. Chaos probably knows all this, hearing me rant and rave over the phone while I'm hurling Fireballs of Doom at the nearest undead scourge blocking my path to Scholomance, but it's still a hard decision to make, and one I know I will take days deliberating on.
Duty versus happiness. The users of Gaia, my fellow staff members, versus my guildmates and extreme joy in the power I wield (YAY for Combustion > Polymorph > Pyroblast > Frostbolt > Fireball > Fireblast combo of DOOOOOMMM).
Gaia versus WoW. Moderator versus mage.
A hard decision indeed.
On a random note, it seems as though people IRL know what Gaia is, and once I let slip who I am, they start calling me "Aqua" as they pass by in the halls. It's rather disconcerting, but kind of expected in some ways.
I am Aquafire.
But I am also myself.
 Aquafire · Wed Sep 06, 2006 @ 06:13pm · 11 Comments |
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+~]