The heart is so fragile... At a mere mention of unrequited love, it shatters. Why so weak? Why am I so weak?
If anyone even bothers to read this, you may even ask, "Why is she writing this in her journal? Her GAIA journal? The one she NEVER uses."
I'm not sure, but maybe I want everyone to know somehow, even if at the same time I want to keep it secret.
All that's in my head is you, always you, and even if I try to let it go it just becomes worse. I can't give up, I can't get you to give in, I can't earn anything or even set my heart straight. All I feel these days is sadness.
Kimi wo itsumade omotteiru no kaNA?
Tameiki ga mado GARASU Kumoraseta
( How long will I keep thinking of you? )
( My sigh makes the window glass fog up. )
They say only fools hope, but maybe it's that same hope which keeps our hearts strong even when our pure emotions are tainted with sorrow and doubt. And even if they, even you, tell me to give up and let it all fly away and never seen again, I cannot do that, even for you. The will to give up comes under circumstances, and these circumstances -- such as time -- have not yet come to me.
Even if I don't know you, I just wish to know you. I want to see your true self, not the side that you show me, unkind and unheeding. I know your heart, like mine, is full of sadness, but there is kindness within you, and my solumn wish is for your happiness.
kimi no hitomi no oku ni ano hi samishisa wo mitsuketa
futari niteru no kana?
( That day, deep in your eyes, I saw the loneliness )
( Are the two of us really alike? )
That's why I try not to be selfish, but it hurts so much I can't help it. I want to be there, but it is simply not allowed. This causes all my moments to writhe with pain.
I want to be as giving and pure as you wish a girl to be, but I am simply not. Inside me, even if there exists sadness, there is cruelty, and that is why... even though the pain, this pain reminds me that that I'm not a monster, and my feelings for you are true. For I always remember my fair share of heartbreak that leads to this karma, all executed with swift and merciless hands.
No... emotion is not about knowledge, it's that emotion inside you that lights up your eyes at the merest hint of that one, a song that you play over and over inside your head that sends your greatest feelings into reality. A dream that depicts of wanting to stay by his side forever -- even if that is a ridiculous notion.
I don't know if these feelings of mine are honest or full of lust
However either way... My heart is yours should you chance to seize it.
doushite konna ni suki nan darou
kantan sugite kotae ni naranai
( Why do I love you so much? )
( It's so easy I just can't answer )
And though you may never read these words...
This is my honesty...
My sincerity.
Suki desu from my soul to yours, always.
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These are the records of certain occurrences and musings in my life. It is probably not of much importance to you, unless you enjoy being a sleuth or have some vague interest in listening to me prattle about my flavour-of-the-month.
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