Lots of ups and downs is right. Now im on a really bad low which could possobly be the worst ever for me. my ex, Ryan has two girls that hang around him all the time but he still finds me sometimes and always tries to kiss me. I want him too, but i know things can never go back to the way they were so it hurts all the more. I found out the girl that took my crush has a crush on me and i might back, but my parents dont want me to have anything to do with her. Ive really been stressed out lately and its been affecting my health. So im always down and every day at lunch i try to find an abandon hallway to laydown and cry in, but Ryan and Ariel always find me. No one understands that i just want to be left alone for a while, but some how I dont want to be alone. that is what is causing all the pain. Ive decided that for chrismas i am going to buy a plane ticket down to Oregon and stay with Erik for two weeks, or Washington to stay with my Grandparents then drive down to Oregon. I just want to get away from it all for a while. All the time, im just so close to crying and anything will set me off because there is always something that reminds me of something sad.
I used to be so happy but that has all changed. I dont know what to do now. I just want someone to be there for me and me alone but that is selfish and would never work. i used to think that chris was always going to be there for me, but now he hasnt called me in ages and when i called him last all he wanted to know was about some of his old girlfriends all of which are mad at him too and want to use me as a way to yell at him. The one person I would love to hear from is erik, but he stoped emailing me some time ago right before the demolition derby which i won $300 in and $20 from the australian persuit. yay, one happy day out of so many horible ones.
What i want more than everything is one big hug from someone, it doesnt matter who, just someone who cares. But i should stop whining now im just a dramallama which is funny because i dont even like cheese cheese_whine
 blutesauger · Mon Oct 09, 2006 @ 12:45am · 1 Comments |
