Nothing hurts more than not being able to be with the one you love...whatever the reason it. For some it's parents, for others it's distance, and it can even be the government keeping you apart. Granted everyone's case is different, but the feeling is still the same. It hurts to not be with who you want.
But what happens when it comes down that it is no outside physical influence keeping you from expanding yourself. What if it is actually you...yourself?
It wasn't until recently that my own fear began to take over my relationship with my wonderful boyfriend. We had our troubles in the beginning with jealous friends and what have you, but now things are different. A fear that I had..was at rest, but recently it was brought back up in a book that I had read. The thought of expanding my life with the guy I love and when (when we get there) we go to start our family...and we couldn't be happier only to have me viciously torn away from him...leaving him as a single father with our young child.
I can't bear it. I know it's frusterating for him to have me bounce back and fourth between wanting a family and not wanting one, and right now...the thought of having kids scares me shitless. Not because I don't think I can do it, but because I'm not ready to be taken away from him...I never will be.
It saddens me that it's come down to this, especially because prior to this I was more than ready to take the step with him when we finally arrived there. Yet...as fate woud have it..it seems I can't even subdue my own fears...I really need him to be strong for me in that respect, and I know he does his best all the time...but when it comes to this...it's a full time strength.
Mrs Lexxy DragonBringer · Tue Oct 10, 2006 @ 05:00am · 0 Comments |