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I may be taking a break from Gaia next week. Right now I'm hurting for a lot of reasons, and I don't want anymore to pile on. Plus finals are next week, so I shouldn't be online so much anyway.
Melissa, I am sorry for cancelling our plans tonight. I wish I could have done something with you. I hope I didn't ruin your birthday.
Hakura, I am sorry for hurting you, I really am. I don't know what else I can do to make you see. I just want you to feel better.
Raymond, I'm sorry for everything. I compromised a few friendships for you tonight.
I've hurt a lot of people over the past few days and I honestly can't take it anymore. So much in such a small timeframe is too much to bear. My wants or needs make people upset, and I can't express enough on how sorry I am for it. I've been very selfish towards so many people that it makes me physically sick. I never meant to hurt any of you. Even some people that I didn't name, hopefully they'll read this eventually.
I'm actually crying right now, and have been for some time. I haven't cried like this since Christmas. To be honest, I was better off not speaking my mind. It only makes matters worse. Its like that old saying "better seen, not heard" It kinda applies to the situation. Well, not the online matters.
I just hope I can eventually be forgiven.
EDIT:
Being in a more stable frame of mind, what I say above still goes. I feel horribly sorry for what I have done, and the actions I have taken cannot be erased. Everything I do has a negative reaction. Some greater than others. I can't help that, and thats what makes me human. A lot of misunderstandings have occured tonight, but I cannot help but feel the same air of dislike still. Its what I deserve.
I cannot help if I annoy people. Everything I do annoys someone, and thats what I have to live with. I did a lot of foolish things, but what really mattered to me was a friendship, and it still matters. I've also learned, or more so re-learned some things tonight. Hopefully I can change a few things in the specific areas.
When you feel comfortable with someone, you tend to let lose emotions you wouldn't normally show with other people. You also tend to fall back into bad habits that you needed to break a long time ago. I just need to be more sensitive to others, and now everything before adding my two cents.
Yes, I was selfish, rude, and annoying, but my intentions weren't that. Again, I apologize for what I have done, and hopefully things will get better.
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Community Member
smile Have a good break.