~So I was playing this game for the
N-10-Dough Game to the third power (cubed for all those failures in math) entertainment system called Resident Evil. I was this chic named Jill. You could also be this guy named Chris, but the game is like "Chris's story= douche" So I'm like "I wanna be Jill, she's got a gun.She has tits! I'm gonna be Jill." So I select Jill and she's like watching this dude getting eaten by rabid zombie dogs and stuff. So the guy is on the ground and he's all "s**t, I'm getting eaten by dogs, ow, don't bite that! STOP! SHOOT EM, JILL!! SHOOT EM!!! WHAT THE ******** ARE YOU STAREN' FOR? SHOOT EM, b***h!!" But then he dies and one of the dogs looks up at Jill, and he's all "DAMN, I wanna bury my bone in that hole!!" But I guess rabid zombie dogs aren't Jill's type. So she's all like frozen by fear and stuff and she's all "Ohmahgosh! Like what do I do? I think I like so totally peed my pants!" But then Chris like shoots the dog that jumped up at Jill. Then they start running through the woods. And the dogs are catching up, and Jill is all "Ohmahgosh! I knew I shouldn't have worn a thong today! It's starting to ride up my butt really bad. It's hindering my running like so much! Ohmahgosh!" So then another dog jumps up and tries to bite Chris, and Chris is thinking like "s**t, this b***h is about to bite me. ********, I didn't even get to see Jill's tits, much less grab her a**. Maybe I should grab it right now." But before he can grab it, Barry shoots the dog in the face with his big-a**, motha ******** magnum. And I'm like "Why the ******** didn't I get a magnum?! I got some stupid 9mm. A berreta or somethin'. What the ******** ever." And then they get in the mansion, and they're all "Oh ******** ********, motha ******** ******** son of a ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ********!! What in the flyin' sam hill was that all about?! Where the ******** is Sam Hill anyway? Is it like in Missouri or somethin? Oh ********! Where's Chris?!" and so Jill is like "Let's, like, go search for Chris, cuz he's like totally hot and stuff!". So Barry is liek "Yeah, I'mma go with Jill too. Jill imma follow behind you so I can stare at yo booty." And she's all "Like, whatever, you old pervert."
~So in they go to the dinning room and Barry finds a puddle of blood. "Yo, b***h. Check it! It looks like some ***** got punk'd by some b***h zombie." and Jill's all "Like, I so totally could have guessed that." So then Barry's like "Hey, b***h! Go check that s**t!" So Jill goes into the hallway and she finds a zombie eating some guy then he zombie turns around and he's all "Gimme yo, titays! Yee yeah yah!! WHAT?! YEEYEAH YAH!!" So Jill freaks out and runs back into the dinning room. "Barry! Like OH-MY-GOSH!!! There's so like a zombie behind me!!" And Barry shoots the ******** zombie like 10 ******** times. TEN TIMES WITH A MAGNUM! s**t. "Yo, this place ******** up!" Barry says. So they go back into the main hall only to find Whesker missing.
~TO BE CONTINUED!!!
Like, ohmahgosh!!
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