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well its come time for me to start realizing some things offline. i've had so much time away from the net as is that i'm been reflecting again.
I haven't cried in ages. on my own that is... i mean a really heartfelt cry.
wel tonight i found that for the first time one of my friends had MADE me cry. one of the most unlikely too.
-i sat around ALL DAY waiting for her to arrive, call again after i did, etc. and i get NOTHING to know of. and i'm SICK OF HER DOING THIS.
I got in trouble for not being productive, even though i cleaned my room after my laundry piled higher than my bedside sweatdrop I found out after she wanted to make an apperance, but didn't. that she was at the mall....

but mostly it was feeling of loneliness and practically everything else came to mind that upset me as i was feeling down. so like hit with a train, the tears fell.
i even got a tear stain on my shirt. thankgoodness it isn't snot... stare

for the first time. i realize i have no more single girlfriends to share the emptiness pain... (in person) except for my friends mom. my friend/her daugther is in texas right now. and we get along like another girl in our crowd. shes not involved in a relationship, and could relate to all the pain of her daugther gone. i've really been missing her lately... and been feeling overly guilty that i haven't sent a card or something to her side. her problems are way worse than mine are. but i wish i could be there, just as badly.

seeing how my eyes are sore and my head has developed a headache from the brite monitor screen, i'll head off to bed now.
I always thought i was stronger than this, but i have to admit that I am a woman and need to accept those gosh darn feelings that getcha. xp