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Sad Tears flowing from my eyes ... Sad as what I write maybe, but right now I feel lost in my own mind. I do not want anyone to cry becuase of me becuase it be pointless. My heart feels ill and now.. with no reason I am starting to crybefore I head to bed ALMOST, every night. Kaze and I are still together and are well and Still deaply in love. Lately we both have been Very busy with each other and with school work. I understand that and so does he. Yet This is not why I have fallen tears running down my cheeks at night. the reason is mostly Self doughting of ones self. its as if I can't stand myself. I show kindness to others in greatness and yet... I feel like half of me is a devil and is bothering. all that I have asked from my friends... all that I have borrowed from them. Still I feel shamefull to myself. I do not know what my greatness as a friend is anymore. I know My friends tell me that I am not a bother nor have I driven them insane but... why do I keep crying?.... It must be becuase I have not done a thing for my friends. yet there are times where I have repeated my stupidity and not been helpful and I get people mad at me. and alone is what i should be. what I have been saying are exaples of what my friends have been talking to me , threw my sadness to show me my greatness. yet alas I ,.. Have no control of myself anymore. lately a strange of power groth I can feel inside me. highten in muscles and in mind. The thoughts I pick up from others grows ever stronger. I wish I would stop this maddness but now I am lost in dispari and, I should not have help. I do not want to drag anyone I hold dear to come with me, becuase it will only make them fustrated with me and sad with me. That would be a downer to them and myself. I wish I knew what was wrong with me. maybe this is why I lose friends soo much, maybe I should be anti depressent pills my life so I would not be soo deperessed... Nop I do not want nor wish to resort to live on pills running my life. I feel such sadness and I wish it was gone!... Gone and AWAY!... but right now... I feel my heart grown cold and craves for things, from my friends mostly and.. I can not allow that to happen!... becuase I care for them to much. The question that still fills me is ... why don't I leave this planet. I see many of my clsoest friends when there not around me. on how happy they are and act. Am I in on the fun?... no I am there shadow that follows.. and feels a need of sadness... well no more, I donot want to be a burden of sadness at there side. I dunno how to do so nor do I know what to DO!...... Someone please hurt me I do not deserv pitty or anything. I am not worthy . my tears show how unworthy I am of anything and everything. I am not worth it anymore. ~Kanami~

Posted by: Kanami Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 06:09am

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Commented on: Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 06:27am


	I honestly have no ******** clue what you are talking about. Seriously, lighten up on yourself, you have drug nobody down or anything, hell, I am not even worried about you anymore, since you are taking great care of yourself! Never before had I seen you so happy. Honestly, you need to step back and look at your life.

Commented on: Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 06:40am


	...Its just how I feel right now. and looking back I made no accomplishments, and I made none and I am 20 years Old

Kanami
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Commented on: Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 06:41am


	Neither have I, but I am not going to kill myself over something from 3 to 20 years ago. Look ahead, not behind, and you wont hit a wall.

Commented on: Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 06:43am


	Then... tell me Doji, what Kind of PERSON AM I....?

Kanami
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Commented on: Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 06:44am


	A caring person, because you try really hard to keep friends together. Okay, so the Den is basically died, but we are all still friends right? Stop looking for golden globe awards, and look for Tonys. smile

Commented on: Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 06:45am


	Am I that caring if I think so awful of myself?

Kanami
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Commented on: Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 06:46am


	Yes, because if you care about yourself, that is humility. If you care for others, that is being kind and considerent.

Commented on: Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 06:48am


	* sighs* I dunno... Meh.. This became a chat room instead of a journal entery...

Kanami
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Commented on: Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 06:49am


	lol OMG PLZ!1!!! Honestly though, stop thinking so bad about yourself, and dont blame it on psi waves either. We all know you are capable of being normal and happy, like you have been the last month.

Commented on: Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 06:53am


	But I felt like I been doing nothing but being mean. If not that I do nothing at all to help

Kanami
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Commented on: Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 06:54am


	okay, tell me how you are being mean first of all? Nobody thinks your mean, I actuslly think you are to nice... And also, you are a busy girl, with school and everything, nobody thinks your a terrible person for not helping out or anything, besides, there is nothing to help out with.. nothing is happeneing.. sweatdrop

Commented on: Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 06:57am


	Grrrrrrrrrrrr I can't WIN!... : (

Kanami
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Commented on: Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 06:58am


	Exactly, besides, you else gives away friggin nitemare headbands out of kindness of heart? biggrin

Commented on: Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 06:59am

Kanami
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Commented on: Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 07:00am


	Point, Match, Set I win. wink

Commented on: Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 07:01am


	But this is Not Volley Ball? gonk

Kanami
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Commented on: Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 07:02am


	Whatever, I hate sports anyways. I am done posting here. razz

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