I guess I should actually start writing in this... But knowing me, I'll make some vow to keep it updated and fail miserably. I mean I have to write journals for more than one of my professors and I don't even keep up with those, and they're worth marks. Sitting down and pouring out my feelings and thoughts into amusing or touching anecdotes or what-have you, isn't really my forte, nor my thing. Yet for some reason, writing what's going through my head right now, holds some considerable appeal.
Some people have a knack for putting a voice to their thoughts... Even though this is more apt to be a muffled mess instead of a clear entry with an easy to follow throughline, I'll try and connect the dots as I just run with it...
First off... WORDS.
Words are an integral part of life. How well spoken you are will determine respectability amongst peers, educators and employers. Literacy and a good vocabulary will win you points and pave your way to a stable place in a working society... Or something to that effect. Words are tools. Tools for communication, description... Words are power. They hold the power to move people... make people think. Say the right thing and you'll be praised for your intelligence, if you're quick with words, you'll be valued for your quick wit and entertaining quips. Those with talent can string words together to create captivating worlds that we will ourselves to be lost in, escape to... Some turns words into song, poetry, giving them deeper meaning and intensity. Words influence. Say the wrong thing, and words wound... intentionally... unintentionally... Words can start fights, wars. Words can spread hate, lies. Words are weapons. In juxt position though, words can be used to negotiate, words can deter or resolve violence. Words can comfort... But words can decieve. Words are never just words... A word hardly ever stands at face value. There's innuendo, subtext... hidden meanings... Words can be a bandaid, or a mask... a disguise. Words can mislead.... Sweet words, the right words... the words we want to hear, want to believe... they can decieve us. Seduce... romance, loving words. True... False... Are they sincere or no? How do you ever know what's really meant by a word? It's not as simple as looking terms up in a dictionary...
Manipulated words, Smooth talkers... Deception, they perssuade, illussion and play off our emotions. Compliments, pretenses, praise, understanding... Seduction, intoxicating.... words.
In a world, where truths are rare and 'reality' is little more than fabrications and lies fed to us in pretty sentances... how do you decide if words are honest?
With the right words... even a lie can sound like the truth.
I find myself, lately... lost in this constant translation. This constant job of deciphering what people tell me. My enemies... my friends... strangers, aquantainces... and especially loved ones. Do I put more stock in what my lover tells me because I want to believe in him, in us? Do I blind myself willingly for the sake of a false happiness? Or are his words exceptional? Genuine? Everything just seems so jumbled, like I'm trying to make sense of things after a few too many pints. It's blurry... static... white noise. Why can't things ever be simple? Or is it my own paranoia that makes me worry too much? Complicating things?
Am I naive or jaded? Maybe I'm just crazy....
I want to believe you. I want to trust you... that's what love is right? Trust? So why can't I just take what you tell me and be happy? I'm so afraid of being played for a fool... It wouldn't be the first time. I don't want to make the same mistakes... I want this to be different. I want us to work. I love you... even as I wonder, I know that I love you. I always have. So come to me with your words, come to me with your honesty. Unspoken words can hurt the most... You're good with words though, so comfort me... please? Make me see that I'm fretting needlessly... And when you come back to me, fulfilling that promise, I'll know. Hold me in your arms, and show me with your heart, your eyes, your embrace that you mean everything you've ever said.
I'm complicated... and a pain I know... You'll probably tell me I'm an idiot too, you'd be right.
But as confusing as words are... I just want to hear you say you love me, and that everything will be all right.
View User's Journal
† Cracked... but not quite Broken... †
Piecing together the fragments of a shattered mind...
 |
Lady Sierra
Community Member |
'There's beauty in the breakdown~'