Why do I always do this to my self. I love someone so feircely and then they have to go and move, or something happens that they cant be around. Sure it takes a bit but I try to get over it. Sometimes it actualy takes a long time. This summer was a bummer, my boyfriend of then was moving for two years because his father had to go to iraq for two years and his mother was in California. I was so upset that I didnt talk for a week and didnt eat anything to two weeks. A friend that was traveling with us around alaska brought me back around, not that it did much good. He was traveling because he was moving to Oregon for atleast 4 years. I had started to love him when I was 13, and he practicly lived at my parents house so I got to know him really well. I got over Chris with E's help but only to lose E. I hate it. I really do. I have tried emailing E several times and I got nothing back. He was supposed to call for my birthday and he didn't. I lost track of him and put away everything that reminded me of him. So for New Years he goes and calls me at like midnight for a chat. All the memories came back and so on myspace he added me. I was looking at his profile and I didnt read more than 5 words before I started crying. I just couldnt stop, I was just blubbering like a baby. The pictures on his profile really undid me. and now it says he's in a relationship. I know I have no claim, but he had a real mean spiteful b***h after him when he left and I just hope that is not who he is with. Knowing him he found some bi girl and is seeing her. What the hell am I complaining about if he has a girlfriend? He was engaged once for crying out loud. I just cant stand that I can so totaly hold on to one person and when they are taken away I cant look at myself in a mirror or go to any of the places we visited for at least a month without crying all the time. I always have to have someone there. I mean within a week of school starting I set my eyes on an old friend that I had just found again. That went all screwy, so then I started noticing his girlfriend. Fortunately for us all he went and hooked me up with his best friend, not knowing what horror would be in store for his friend. I dont try to be a b***h, or a hoe, but Ive gone out with so many guys and Im not known for being nice. It has been really nice though because gene is so nice and seems great, but I am so needy that I dont know how long he can take it. First day back from break and at lunch he just seemed so distant. I hope I dont have anything to worry about, but for all I know he is just trying to figure out how to break up with me. And I am slightly confused about casey and Ariel, are they going out or not. They really confused me at her birthday yesterday. Actualy Ariel is on gaia so maybe she might read this some time and spare a friend a little insight. All through first hour one of my ex's was trying to catch my eye to ask me to call him. I dont know whats up but I hope he's Ok. I havent gone out with him in 366 days but that doesnt mean I dont love him still. And he deffenetly doesnt have much going for him. I hope that everything gets better and that some day I can finaly let go. But for now I need to relax and get some homework done. I hope that my fiends on gaia that are near me dont hold this against me, I am just an angsty teenager after all. Maybe they might even forgive me. Doubtful.
 blutesauger · Wed Jan 03, 2007 @ 02:06am · 2 Comments |
