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halo music plays while it shows master cheif in a cryo- tube.

random guy: huston we have a problem.
Huston: for the last time my names not huston.
random guy: copy that huston.
Huston: Quak!

music plays in the background for a brief second then sceen goes to three guys playing poker.

random guy2: snap...
billy: were playing poker you stupid t**t.
random guy2: oh, sorry i thought we were playing snooker.
billy: uh, uh, uh, im sorry what.
drunk guy: bwilly i have 5 aces.
random guy2: awwww damn you win agian.
billy: wait, theres only 4 ace---
drunk guy: bwilly, shut it said i had 5 aces god damnit.
billy: but theres only 4----- do you have your hand on my leg.
gay guy: nooooooooo.

billy punches the gay guy in the eye right as an alarm goes off in the ship.

alarm: battle stations, this is not a drill, i repeat this is not a drill. battle stations the ship is under attack----
were all gonna die guy: were all gonna die. (pwoned)
alarm:some random comment about new-trons so give em hell soldiers.

billy grabs a gun.

billy: lets get going.
drunk guy: I'm on it bwilly.(falls due to drunkenness)
drunk guy: (now standing) montage

more music is played as it shows soldiers gear up for a battle. two gus are standing after the music stops.

random guy3: you know whats gay?
emo boy: what?
random guy3: homosexuals.
were all gonna die guy: were all gonna di.........(again)---
sarge: shut it boy you're depressin the emo.
emo boy: who m----
sarge: silence you emo b*****d!! alright men, not you emo boy (emo boy look down in despair)... now as you all know we have a situation that need our full attention now i'm not gonna lie to you some of you will probably not make it back those of you who do make sure emo boy dosen't.

large explosion in the background.

sarge: what are we looking at?

a storm trooper pops up from the bottom of the screen and the video cuts off to load some other random scenes that have nothing to do with the movie. next it shows a clip of two dominoes shooting at each other they duck. one pops up and gets shot clean in the head. a fat guy with no shirt comes up and says"oh i like that" the the video continues.

the lights are going out.

sarge: s**t, marine radio the bridge and get those damn lights back up.
marine: im on it, this is charlie team to the bridge we have a power failure in sector 9 over.
guy at the bridge: roger that, im on it.
marine: make it quick the enemy are all over us.
sarge: did you hear something?
guy at the bridge: ill have it up as soon as i possibly can.
sarge: do you have your hand on my butt?
guy at the bridge: oh and marine waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapppppppppp--
sarge: what the hells goi---
storm trooper: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
guy at the bridge: oh yea i got the lights working.

the lights flash back on the marine has a blank stare and sarge looks around only to see about 30 storm troopers and Darth Vader standing there.

Vader: wobby.
Vader: woobey.
emo boy: errrrr.... whats a woby?
Vader: wobby.
sarge: shhhhhhhh..... u'll piss it off.
Vader: wobby wobby wobby wobby.
Vader: wobby.

master chief then drops from the ceiling and a horn is played.

master chief: (clearing his throat) uhhh umm im not with them i swear to god.(runs away)
sarge: ehhhhh.... it was all emo boy's idea.
sarge: whoop whoop whoop whoop
Vader: nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Vader takes a breath.

Vader: ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

new scene at the bridge.

emo boy: (making noises at the controls of the ship) umm what no
storm trooper: mmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmm good enough
sarge: well were pretty much screwed i just wanna say i love you all.
gay guy: even me?
sarge: stay the ******** away from me.
gay guy: awwwwwwww.... you said ********
sarge: you know what ******** you
sarge: ******** you

the ship goes off in the background and master chief appears.

master chief: ******** you all
" " ******** you all i say
" " ******** the lot of you
" " ******** you all im going to taco bell

credits start to roll music is then again played.