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Stupid-no-Jutsu : The art of being stupid.
Finally released in a totally unabridged format.


******** people and their ******** happiness. It makes me sick. All I get is lies, embellishments, and stupidity thrown at me. And it continues to happen when they know I still have feelings. Those feelings will not go away, NO MATTER WHAT IS THROWN. Get that through your ******** head already.

I can't deny what is going on in my dreams. In all my dreams there is either one where things DO get better, or one where I just give up on everything. I'm tired of being told that there is no chance in hell. I am tired of being told that I can get another boyfriend. WHEN ITS OBVIOUS THAT NO MALE HAS EVER HAD ANY INTEREST IN ME. Stop telling me that I am beautiful, its only a lie. Stop telling me that I'm still a good person, when I am not even a human being.

My ankle still hurts, but I can walk on it pretty well. So I have to go to school. I hate going, even if it is the third day. I hate it to no end. I hate seeing happy couples, people holding hands, and people getting together. It makes me sick. And to be honest, I can't take it anymore.

Raymond still says hes suicidal, but does not intend on acting on it. Well, I am, and I am acting on it. But failing every god damned time I try. I will not fail. I need to plan it out more, thats all.

I'm just plain sick of it. I PAID FOR EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE DONE, BUT WHY DOES IT KEEP COMING? I hate waking up every morning knowing that I did something so disgusting. And that the person I did it to is HAPPY now. WITH SOMEONE ELSE. And NOT ME. I ******** DID IT ALL. ITS ALL MY FAULT, SO WHY SHOULD I BE THE ONE FORCED TO LIVE EVERYDAY LIKE THIS?

I want a little hope, thats all I want. Not false hope, but something real. Just a little something out of all this nothing.

My body can't take much more. I can say that much. But it doesn't matter. When I'm gone, the pain will eventually be removed from all of your lives. I want to be selfish again, because I let Raymond call me horrible things, and block me, and hurt me to no end. Maybe if I put myself though the pain, he'd see something. But that won't happen. So if I put myself out of the pain for good, maybe then I can go to hell in peace. My selfishness will be the death of me, unless someone murders me first, or if I get into a horrific car crash.







User Comments: [4] [add]
Fleeccee
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Thu Feb 24, 2005 @ 03:14pm
That's now how you make it stop.


commentCommented on: Thu Feb 24, 2005 @ 03:28pm
I've tried pretty much everything else. Nothing seems to work in my favor.



ShaIIow
Community Member
Angel387
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Thu Feb 24, 2005 @ 05:39pm
crying


commentCommented on: Thu Feb 24, 2005 @ 06:20pm
I don't think another love will make things better, tina.... Sometimes realtionships just make people more stressed out. Heck, I've only been with john and no one else. I prolly won't be with anyone else for a loooong time. and I'm going to get through it and I don't need a guy to make me happy. Friends is a different story. Lol, we'll be single together, kay? heart
Be happy, Tina.... take up checkers... or fishing, or.... go play baseball. The only way to get out of this depression is to find things to be happy about. If you keep thinking about the negative, there's no way something good is going to happen.



Clewgurl88
Community Member
User Comments: [4] [add]
 
 
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