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What's the point in this journal? Nobody reads it anyway, all I find myself doing is reading back over it and thinking how pathetic I make myself sound. I don't even know why I am posting this... I guess it's just to tell someone, anyone, whoever it may be about my life... My problems... I guess it would help if I knew who it was that reads it, if they read it. I sound pethetic again now, for gods sake. Well, let's add to that patheticness...

I just found out (by reading their journal - hey someone does read these things) that a really close friend was upset by me falling out with someone over their name. I think i've made them feel bad, and I hate that. She doesn't realise how much of a friend she is to me, I think she just classes me as someone to talk to. It's like... She seemed so upset by it all, she blames herself as well, when it's not her fault. It's all mine, I overreacted. I realise that now looking back on it all.

It's like... Everything is back to stage 1 all over again, relationships with friends have had massive dents placed in them... Some have straightened out and I know where I stand now, but it's still hard, you know? I don't like the way i've turned out... Especially at school, people think i'm the male version of a b***h, when I don't want to be. People think i'm mean, they don't want to say the wrong thing in case I make their lives hell. I mean, people aren't scared of me, they just know that I have ways of doing it, making their lives hell I mean. I just wanna be normal. Well, not normal... Just... Nice? I don't wanna hurt people, I don't wanna upset them. Especially not those close to me.

I feel stupid, pathetic. All of these problems, they've just gotten too big. It's not worth it, but there's nothing I can do about it. It's happened, I can't turn back the clock. Believe me when I tell you, I wish I could. I've gone on enough, i'm being pathetic aren't I? Just ignore me, it's not like you care anyway, you're probably sat there laughing your head off. I don't blame you. I'm gonna go now, watch some TV or something... I just need to get my head round everything that's happened over the past few days. Thanks for reading, I guess...