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Day two of the tragedy.

I lay here typing how I feel on Gaia. It's been two days since Michelle broke up with me - I feel terrible, but not as much as I should; at least not yet. I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm caught in a torrent of despair that I just can't seem to get out of. The strange part is that I'm actually in the stage right before depression hits, which means it's only downhill from here.

Just appreciating (if you can all it that) the last few moments of my life, before the depression hits. Since depression itself is running rather late - it's going to hit like a freight train, sadly enough. These last moments really do put everything into perspective, and makes me eager to do something with my life - but what, I don't know.

I've been feeling so listless - I can't seem to find what to do, everything feels so strange. I just don't know. I get up in the morning and try to find something to do. Feeling lost, I look for something - anything to get rid of this feeling. I don't know what to do, I panic and find something fast. Nothing feels as it should: I try eating, but food tastes like ash in my mouth; I try playing video games, but they don't give me the same feeling of enjoyment as they did before - I used to remember when shooting someone in the face, or stabbing someone in the back put a smile on my face.; the world seems so tasteless now.

Everything seemed to remind me of her. I look at the sunshine outside, what a beautiful day - would have been a fine day to go out with Michelle in. A bird flew by; same species of bird that hung around my lunch table - where me and Michelle used to talk. I still have the pictures that we took together - me and her, how happy we looked. Seems like a just a dream now, a dream I would have given anything to bring it back - reality is such a hard refraction of that dream.

I feel so stupid, it wasn't a bad relationship at all - I was in love with her, but how can you love someone who couldn't return those feelings? It was because of my age. I was 16 - she was 18. I didn't have a car. I couldn't provide for her. It killed me in the inside but she told me that she had to get her priorities straight. She just couldn't wait for me to grow up. She'll be ready for the world this year, she didn't want me to be something that held her back.

This is only stage one.