It can happen, love that is. Real? I don’t know, but life has proven how lies can be proven true. But at a terrible price, let it be known love…comes in all forms.
Till the Prince I do Meet…
Life has a funny way of tapping you on the shoulder and reminding you it still has surprises for you. A boy. Simple yes? That’s all that I could hope for, but I was in no position to make a wish. I had no fear or desire for anything to happen; he was just another cute guy. This thought just seemed to melt away after time, we met, we talked, although awkward at first I found myself falling victim to some unknown force that I preferred be unrecognized. This one guy seemed reluctant to impress me, which made me try harder for his compassion.
I like a good chase; I don’t want something handed to me. This one boy was my ultimate obstacle; nothing was going to stop me from getting what I wanted. Let me just say, that I was spoiled when it came to things like boys but…this one was different.
Did life placed him here for a very unique reason? Maybe for a person? I was puzzled as to how a being like this could exists without fair warning; there was something more to him that I couldn’t read.
With time he did make contact more, he connected…we connected. We were told to be polar opposites, fire and water. I came to realize how pointless life was without this opposite kissing my cheek and making me love myself again…or just love. By this time, he was mine I had overcome what I thought could be my greatest challenge. There was no chase, what did I want? Soon I had thought to have only cheated myself into believing I had found something I had been lacking for as long as I thought I was lacking something. In my time of denial a familiar face dipped into my thoughts once more. In my absence of mind he filled my thoughts of what could be instead of what I had. His words bewitched me to a fairytale in which didn’t exists, but I wanted it to…so I believed and fell into a trap I dreaded facing.
The nightmare in which I had found myself tangled in was in fact the very scene from those movies that exact verse from that song. I thought to myself “It must all be a dream, nothing as painful as this can ever hope to compose itself into reality”. But truth is told it did and I created it, I had thrown myself into a hell that had my name and my copy write date all over it. My creation, my poison, it had taken me.
After perplexing myself for so long I collapsed on myself and lost the only thing I thought valuable. And what had I exchanged it for? A pretty picture and poetry that made the black hole look like home. He was gone and I had broken words that meant nothing once he was gone. After days passed and I drained myself of all tears thought possible I came to realization. This was my game and when I had made the rules, I had only set myself up to loose. I had died, bled without the blood, been reborn without a mother, been given a new idea with no price. This life I would not waste, I created a new game but this one required skill and an energy I had no control over, no tactic to outwit it with. I was playing cards with fate, and fate held the ace.
Following my rebirth I did cheat my way back to the boy I wanted once more. Thinking it would be somewhat easy; I promised myself no one would get hurt the number one rule. I broke it, someone I held quite dear suffered a lost that became another step to a love once again. He bet his heart on me I was the prize, sorry to say to trophy did have some say, thus I left the bet it was my turn to gamble something, but not for him. To the boy that left a love for me and what he thought would be bliss I say thank you, although you were stepped on, beaten and hurt you did save my heart or at least saved me more pain.
My time was exhausted on the boy I wanted back, he refused to accept any manner of my deepest regret or apology. He spit my broken words right back in my face, I was hurt but I didn’t hate him for doing it I ******** up and I never deserved anyone like him again, much less him. I was convinced he would never talk to me again, touch me, or love me. But still to this lost cause I sacrificed everything I could, in hope of there being a slim chance of him coming back to me.
I was haunted by his face, touch, laugh, gaze, voice. Nights neglected anything but his face, in my dreams he would scream at me. My worst fears were then and there revealed, he knew how to peel my skin away and expose me for the b***h I was. Regardless, I wanted him…no, I needed him. Friends foresaw failure and so did I but I couldn’t give up, I wanted him to scream at me I wanted him to tell me he hated me, and he would never love me again. I rejected any lost in translation terror that seeped from peoples unaware mouths; I wanted his voice to be the one that hurt me. That…or I would keep trying, no matter the risk, the loss, or my will to love again. I was determined.
My lost efforts did indeed pay of, I spilled my soul out to him, I expressed my pain and regret to anyone who could tell him for me. Being as I had not met his eyes ever since I had whispered those permanent closing words in his ear. He talked to me, out of pity he clearly expressed. I could’ve sworn I saw the light peek over the clouds once more, to reveal hope. What I thought would be hope spoiled to dread. I guess I was the only one to convey true loss or grief, he regretted nothing, in fact he had found himself a new girl. I was in the past and was forced to stay there.
One friend who chose not to take a side between me and him notified me his lips were locked with someone else’s. Once the words had sunken in I felt my heart break. Thousands of pieces shattered inside me, only to sting whenever my lost love was mentioned. My will to live well was lost, my eyes could’ve sunken into my skull I wish my heart would’ve stopped beating to save me this anguish.
I lost connection to truth; I was then on consumed in my hellish life. I chose not to care but I did make my one last attempt to at least his happiness. I pitied my existence not until I saw the green of his eyes yet again did my soul return to my body. He spoke words for me to hear, he told me what I had wanted to hear. “It will all be alright, I never stopped loving you, just please don’t hurt me again”.
Tears met my eyes love overcame me. But I thought, if he would take me back after I had played this cruel joke on his heart, if he would say he loved me once more, I never tricked myself, it was real from the start I was blinded by fibs.
I fail to understand why he would do something like this for someone like me. I hurt someone so dear to him and I complicated his life. I wonder everyday what makes me so worthy and what makes him so great. I fail to measure up to this boy in any way. My being is flawed and his never fails to amaze me, I love him and can only hope he loves me the amount back. But I shall never wish for anything but his friendship ever again for no person deserves his full love. But I will be selfish enough to say this, I want him for myself, but like a butterfly nothing can be kept to one forever. I only wish him happiness and love if it with me or not.
This boy restored me and made my life worth living. I had been fine off before we met but he added something. The best I can do is that it was like being introduced to chocolate for the first time, he is my drug. He never fails to love me, even when I fail to love him or express how I feel back. The script for what was intended for me must have been revised in some way, when something as stupid as e-mail stuck us together. None of this was suppose to happen, I was meant to be a stepping stone in someone’s life. I am sure never was I supposed to get something as beautiful as this. He is my angel; he saved me from unwritten fate in which I was to fail. He saved me and what can I say to that? Yes I love him, but that would be an understatement nothing as simple as a four letter word can describe this boy and what he has done. Blonde with green eyes, a loving heart, and a lifestyle that can only improve those who wish to learn from him. He may not know it but he has taught me so much and yet I feel I have given him nothing in return. I feel all that is worthy to give him is my heart, which I now give him. Never before have I lost my heart to an unworthy cause, has it been broken but never touched. Never has my heart been touched like he has touched it. Although he may come in an amusing package I love him none the less and everything about him. He may be the main of my weeping but I will cry an ocean of sorrow but never regret. Thank you for taking me back, for holding me in your arms once more. Thank you for looking at me and kissing my check. I make a promise here and now, never again will I hurt you the way I did. Never again will I get lost in my own game, and never will I stop loving you. heart
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