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Rika's Intermost thoughts (aka randomness)
*BAM* You've been mystfied, by The Mist Alchemist.
Who Are You? (A FMA Story) <Intro>
My name is Rika and I'm 15 and 5ft 2in. I have brown hair. My eyes are very unique. They change color depending on my mood, (Brown=Happy/Calm, Black=Angry/Sad) When I was little my eyes would give away my emotions. I learned how to keep them brown, until I got really upset. I know alchemy, I can control water and freeze it. I can get the water from the air around me. I'm a great fighter, I use alot of Street fighting and Martial Arts. I tend to use alchemy as a last resort, I don't like people knowing my type of alchemy. My weapon of choice is a Staff.
(Past)

I lived in an Isbalan town. While growing up I noticed I looked different from everyone else. Everyone in my town had darker skin and reddish eyes. I asked my parents about this, but they said don't worry about it. Even though I looked different, everyone treated me the same. Everyone in town depised Alchemy, they said that it was the "Devil's Work", and if you used it you would go to hell. I didn't care about this, I was fasinated by Alchemy and tried it a couple of times. I wanted to become a State Alchemist someday, but my parents found out and forbid me to ever use it again.

When I was 10 years old, a group of alchemist called NecAlchemers came to my town. They demanded that every family had to give them $1,000 or else. Everyone in town gave them the money, except my parents. So the NecAlchemers set fire to my home with my parents inside.

After that the NecAlchemers left the town. I was now an orphan, so everyone in town took care of me. About a week after my house was burned, my neighbors told me that my parents had adopted me when I was 1. My "parents" had found me along a river during a bad storm. It was the hardest storm to hit in 50yrs. They said that a woman had come to town before they found me. They said it was a possibility that she could be my mother. After that I left town in search of someone who could teach me alchemy. I hoped that someday I could be a State Alchemist, and change how the Isbalans lived. At age 13, I started my journey to find my real parents. The only information I have on my real parents is that my mother has blonde hair and is somewhere in Central, also she might be in the military. I also have a necklace my real parents gave when I was a baby, this could help me find them.

Ok rate and review, please give me some feedback blaugh
1-10 10 being good, 1 being bad






User Comments: [6] [add]
[Crimson Cyclone]
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Sat Mar 24, 2007 @ 10:45pm
I give it an 8.5

Critique: Lol, this is going to sound bitchy, but the currency in Amestris is Cens (Sens? I dunno how to spell it sweatdrop ) Just so you know. I think you should have added some more detail to it, like the town. Ishbal and rivers kinda confused me at first. Is it like an oasis and what is it called? Why did they treat her the same as everyone else. I won't say anything on the NecAlchemers' motives since I'm sure you will reveal that later. It was still really good, I just wanted more...I'm hanging out w/ Greed too much. cool Lol


commentCommented on: Sun Mar 25, 2007 @ 02:58am
Rating: 7-ish.

I'm not really used to reading first person fanfictions, so it was a little weird until I got used to it. But that's just me. The plot looks interesting so far, and I have a hunch about who the mother is. And the currency used is Cenz. But this should get pretty interesting, especailly if there's a fight. heart Write more!



Angst Werewolf
Community Member
FullMetalMaiden90
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Sun Mar 25, 2007 @ 04:59am
I know I wasn't sure about the currency, and I wasn't sure about making it the first person point of view or not sweatdrop


commentCommented on: Sun Mar 25, 2007 @ 02:32pm
I really don't know much about FMA.
That being said, I give this a 6.
You could write more description and pay more attention to details.
The orphan thing is way overdone and kinda cheesy, in my opinion.
"It was the hardest storm to hit in 50yrs."
50yrs should be 50 years.
This is a good start! Write more! <3



WUAS Charity Mule
Community Member
Mika Odori
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Sun Mar 25, 2007 @ 10:43pm
I give it an 8.

You should add more detail about the town, the scenery. When we read it, we should feel it, see it, taste it(if any tastes like food or stuff), and hear it. That's what I was taught, it can be a little hard at first, but if you concentraite hard enough you can do it! mrgreen


commentCommented on: Tue Mar 27, 2007 @ 10:30pm
I liked it. It was very good and i rate it a 9.5



DancerAngel22
Community Member
User Comments: [6] [add]
 
 
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