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hello friends and everyone who gives are care and would like to read this,
I've been so sad this whole week. My head hurts and I just don't want to talk to anyone. So many things have veen bothering me and there are other times when I'm just don't know what's manying me sad but I am anyways. I get so mad and nervous and overly depressed and I don't know why. I want to calm myself and be that happy girl I once was but I keep getting mad. I'm tired of being sad about everything. Even my mom thinks I should see a docotr or go to threapy and I don't wanna go through that again... It's too much wor and pain and self disipline is just not going to cut it when it comes to m being stubborn about taking medicine. I can't wait until spring break so that way I don't have to worry about a thing in school. I won't have to "try" to work my as off. I try so hard to get good grades in school but 'm so depressed that it's messing around with it. I found out a littel while ago that my dad has a tumor also adding with my depression and some other things. I feel so insecure... like everything is my fault so I always cry about stupid things. I'm so self conscience that I cry at evey little thing that people say about me. Anything that anyone says... it can be the smallest thing and later on I would ed up worrying about it or just crying that finding someway to change myself.
I know I've changed. I change all the time because I'm tired of people telling me about my flaws. Telling me I'm ugly in this... or saying I look fat in that. I'm not smart enough so I'm not picked for anything. I don't get good test grades and I feel like my teachers hate me. And anything I want to aspire in, I feel so stupid. Everything that I believe in always seems crush. Always by people I hate or currently dislike for that moment. I hate my brother forever and more because he's always saying something about me. He alwats has something to say and he wonders why I'm never nice to him. H's always saying I'm not fair to him because its true. I hate his guys. I want him to just go away. Not die or anything because I'm ot that mean... but i don't even wanna see his face. I wish he lose his voice and he couldn't walk or move his arms so that way whenever he asks for something, I can just laugh in his face. I hate him... i don't know... I think I'll make a continuation of this tomorrow. I don't feel like writing anymore... well technically typing... ooo! one good thing though!! I'm going to the mall on friday cause that's when sprin break starts! yay! okie dokie! bye bye
love,
Mari_Lambo aka miss lambo
P.S. I LOVE BRENDON URIE... OH YES THE RANDOMNESS ^^
 Mari Lambo · Tue Apr 03, 2007 @ 10:31pm · 1 Comments |
