Blah.
Yeah, I'm having one of those days. AND I'm putting off the six and a half pounds of homework I have to make up for being out last week. I really shouldn't be, considering I need to learn that stuff in order to understand the junk they are giving me this week to learn. XP I'll worry about it later though. My stress has kind of mellowed for the night and I don't really feel like facing reality until tomorrow.
..............................okay, I'll get to it after this. But not right now. bleh
Today...I felt like disappearing. I'm sure you know the feeling. Just wishing you could sink back into yourself away from people, noise... no disturbance.. just you and whatever strange stuff you have floating through your mind at the moment. I almost had an emo day, without the desire for cutting of course, yeesh. *shivvers* Just walking through the crowded halls, sounds drowning themselves out as my attention becomes locked on the cracks of the linoleum tile that paves the way to my impending doom next class. Just about anything that I gave my attention to outside of my pensive self seemed to strike a nerve somewhere. I would feel a sudden agitation or something. In a way, I think it was kind of funny (now that I don't feel that way as much anymore) but even now, I find myself wanting to shy away from people for a while...
Maybe that's my problem. I need to get away from people and just be by myself for a little while. My schedule has done an absolutre flip-flop and has become more busy with hanging out with my close friends and actually having a life, and I think the change was a little too quick for me. When I was twirling, I made it a point to be by myself, have my alone time and have my darker moments away from those my scowls were normally directed at. I have never really been one to retreat to my room to be a hermit. I can't really call it MY room anyway. It's my parents'. Not mine-mine. It's hard to just be blah when I feel like I'm surrounded by their watchful eyes and little reminders that I can't really let myself go without some form of regret to follow..
19 more days of school left... seems so far away right now. As much as Iwant to say I am excited about the end of this year being so close, I can't. I know it's not over until it's REALLY over. Until then, I still have tests, more in fact since there are AP and end of course exams to look forward to.. -ugh-.. I hope I pass. I'm an honor roll student and all that fun junk, but chem has me all cabobbled this year. It's obviously not one of my better subjects. Precisely why I intend to go for AP Biology next year. *nods vigorously*
I'm having some internal conflicts as of late. I can't seem to place my mind in sync with my heart as far as occupational choices go. Should I go for the biology-type stuff, me interesa <3 mucho, or go for engineering which entails an excellent future simply because I am female and interested in something such as that? Over the summer, I might be going up to stay with my dad's cousin. She works at Virginia Tech and her husband graduated from there. They offered to show me around and all that exciting stuff to see if it's something I really want to do. That could be rather interesting, I should say. I mean, it's a very good opportunity to get a personal tour of the campus and be able to spend the day with someone who works in the very field I have taken an interest in, which is civil engineering. Plus, I have never really gotten to go on a plane and out of state on my own, nor have I stayed with people who I am barely acquainted with. Yes, they are family, but still.. I don't know them that well. I can say, though, that they do seem like down-to-earth and fun people. Plus, it would give me the chance to strike a new bond with them as the family they are. Okay I'm rambling. oopsy Hrm.. haven't done that in a while (rambled) at least I don't feel like I have. *shrugs* Anyway, I guess I'm done being a weirdo for now.
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Contemplations of POiSON~
It's just junk, really.
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