Imagine waking up without a morning shot, without a cent to your name, and without a hope. You want to sleep, but your senses heighten so that you can't block out the growing stench of the overflowing bathroom of your squat house.
You see trash all over the floor, trash that you know to not whom it belongs, nor how long it's been there. You kick it out of your path to the outside world. You slam the door behind you as you leave. You've probably made more noise exiting the house than you should have, but right now you don't care.
You drag yourself down the filthy ghetto streets. Your legs seem to get heavier around every turn. Your body gets sticky with sweat and you can taste salt on the corners of your mouth. Your anxiety worsens every second, it gets harder to breath, and the only thing on your mind is how you're going to convince your dope man to front you.
By the time you get to the trap house, you've got your hand on your stomach, because you've got that "s**t yourself" feeling. You tell them your story and they act like they understand and tell you to come back in an hour. You feel an odd mixture of anger and hope. They don't ******** understand..
You go down the street to your usual waiting spot, which happens to be a church. There's a funeral going on, and hordes of African Americans are filing in wearing their Sunday best. Your wearing the exact same dirty stinking outfit you've been wearing for two months. Some pompous looking black a*****e asks you to leave if you're not attending the funeral.
You sit down in the parking lot and watch all the cars pull in. You drift in to a dizzy, dreamlike state and feel like you're going to throw up. Everything you touch feels like it's burning through your skin.
A hearse with a megaphone hooked up to it stops beside you. You hear the voice of a black reverend coming from the megaphone and he's preaching a heartfelt but bullshit sermon about dying and heaven and other such nonsense. To add to the effect of that, eerie organ music is playing in the background. Every time your close your eyes, you see a scene from an earlier time where your neighbors were watching a bad porno and listening to rap music. The effect is something like.
(organ music playing solemnly) "When I see those pearrly gates-ah" (hip hop beat) "Good weed,good coke,good prices ma-n" (big black d**k being shoved into a girl's pimply a**) "I sayy we will walk-ah with the LAWD our God!!"
It all really seems like some ******** up dream, you think as your head is throbbing. You're twitching and shaking but you're trying to hide it because you don't want any more attention from the funeral-goers in their fancy wide-brim feather hats and $300 business suits.
Just when you feel you can't take it anymore and you're going to faint, you walk back to your man's house and when they answer your knock your chest feels like it will explode all over their rotting wooden door. They tell you to come back later and you're so devastated that you just stand there staring at them with horror in your eyes. You start shaking your head in disbelief. They sigh and tell you to come in.
In a few minutes they've thrown you a sack and sent you on your way. You feel your face twitching as you slowly start to grin. You try to hold it back, but a laugh bursts out from deep inside you. It's the first time you've smiled or laughed in a while. You know that in a matter of seconds, every thing will be just fine.
 Seven-Strings · Thu May 29, 2008 @ 02:00am · 0 Comments |
