[******** You Birthday Girl!! Step Up For The First Place Prize: Emotional Trama.
Yeah yeah classic story... the girl who supposedly has everything she could ever want, gets the worse birthday ******** over in the history of man. Yeah but that's not me. Im not the classic American girl with her parents giving her everything they never had. I get... on top of it all on my birthday, a ******** emotional over load. Hell Yeah thanks everybody I loved my Gift =end sarcasm=. Im that poster kid for messy divorces that end horribly, YAY for me... not. I've lived my entire life, just looking out through strangers eyes, looking at it in a twisted third person. I see things that have happened in my life and all I can do is sit back and wonder: What Kind Of ******** s**t Did You Do in a Previous life to get this Kind of Karma?
So you probably wondering what the hell I'm bitching about right? Well I guess It's all my fault anyway for believing I could change my life, but yeah lets just say that whole poster child for messy divorces came true. My Parents faught all day long, over one thing.... Keeping me for a day. Like im some ******** pet they can pass around, the classic guilt trip accompained this fighting, along with shamefull cowardance on my part. I can understand were my father is coming from, and I can understand were my mother is coming from. Every summer has been one hell after another, and she was only doing what she thought I wanted, what I cried about for hours every summer because I hated the thought of leaving, of not being able to have a normal summer with my friends. And my Father? Well he doesn't get to see me much, but has these strange delusions that he needs to try and sell me his entire life philosphy...grrrreeeeeet. He trys so hard to tell me he loves me, to get the point across that he'll never stop loving me, I'm guessing hes afriad that I'll just one day up and disappear... hell I'm thinking about doing it too. Well in the End my Father decided to tell me at ten to elven on the night of my birthday that he bumped up the day HE wants me to go back home to a week later. ******** Greedy b*****d. Does It make me a horrible person if I don't feel remorse over this? I mean my father just found out he had kidney cancer, hell there is even a chance they didn't get it all... but all I can think about is how to come home early. All that comes to mind is the fact that... it's sad.
WOW I must be pretty ******** in the head. I know I'm rambling, but this will all come together in the end. So my parents fight all day over one ******** day and my father just won't let it go. Supposedly "You won't under stand until your my age and have a kid." this is some ******** bullshit, everything he says is accompained by "You don't under stand it now.... Your to young to know about this..You won't understand....You Don't understand..." ALRIGHT I ******** UNDERSTAND. Im not some retard teenager who can't put two and two together. What he doesn't understand is how much I know, how much I have seen, how much this ******** affects ME. Yeah I feel like a selfish b***h for even saying that, but Dammit if no one is looking out for me then I'm just going to have to do it. I should have done this along time ago, but I'm a ******** coward, ******** good for nothing coward who can't express how she really feels about anything. My life has been a total ******** waste and I can't go back. I felt that today for the first time, for the first time I truly felt like it doesn't matter what I want, because no matter what I'll never have control of my life. I'll always be torn between to immature adults who hide behind mature facades, these so called ADULTS who are willing to ******** their kid over, just to screw the other. I'll never get anywhere with my life.
Im scared, I'm so tired, and I just don't want to care anymore, but I know I will continue to care, to get hurt... and it's tragic. I just want a normal life, a life were I don't have to worry about this kind of s**t. My mother probably suffers from a Bipolar disorder, so basically she can't handle situations the same way everone else does. She just gets so emotional, so passionate that it ends up frying her brain in the end. And I end up trying to clear up the mess that ALWAYS happens between my mother and father.Does Every Emotionally ******** Teen Have to Go Through This? I know I sound like some whiney emotional b***h right? Someone out there is probably telling me to shut the ******** up, because I could have it worse. That's true, so true. But it's hard when you don't have emotional support, I've never been the one who gets help for problems, just the kid everyone could spew thier own emotional s**t onto. Yeah I'd be there to pat them on the back and send them away with a smile. I don't need that, I don't need the ******** useless, "Everything will be okay, Oh cheer up things will get better." I want some one to grow some balls and ******** be truthfull for once. Just ******** tell me It doesn't get any better then this, then maybe I'll ******** find a place to spend the rest of my pathetic exsistance in. Then everything will be okay, because I'll know this is what it's all going to turn out to. Oh Oh but there are still believers! AMEN SISTA! " You can do anything you set your mind to! You Can always make your situation better! You can fix this if you really want to!"
I've tried. I know I've tried. But every time I try to open up to my parents, the topic always changes to how they feel, to how they hurt, how the other has done dirty deeds, how bad THEY feel about doing what they are doing. But have they ever actually tried to change? Answer: NO. I'm never heard just brushed off, they say im the strong one. That I have a good head on my shoulders, that I'll go places. But I can tell you this.. they don't know anything about me, they don't know how ******** messed up I really am. I suppose I should open up for once, maybe then all my problems will dissappear. Hopefull thinking. ********. This birthday just clear cut ran me over with a [********] stick, and I don't mean to sound like some sappy emotional ********, but hell a girl has to vent some how. It's sad I'm supposed to have such good friends, friends your supposed to be able to count on... but in reality they don't give a s**t. Im last weeks news, that one kid who hung out with them for a while. No one wants to talk about problems, I guess we live in a world were problems are ignored.
I guess this whole post has been a total waste of time.
Great.
Kiss Me Wicked Community Member 
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