1:44 AM
I love this one guy, I keep having him on my mind and can't get him out no matter how hard I try. He's probably one year older than me. And knowing that I love him, and that he doesn't love me anymore. But what hurts most is seeing him happy with another girl. And that girl is the closest to me, my cousin. Having to see every laughter and smile as pain crashes through the veins of my heart. I should be happy that it's her right? And not someone else...But if it's her.. that means I have to put up with it my whole life. Can I really do it can I really hold on? I know my selfish and wishful thinking is stupid, and what do I have to lose? I have someone that loves me but he lives miles and miles away from me; the other side of Earth. Meeting him was not my choice but falling in love with him was. Meeting him for 1 month was enough, but I miss him. I love this guy who lives in the same place I'm living, but I ignore the one that lives far from me. Do you think it's fair? I love both, but I can't stay in contact with the one who loves me. He's waiting for me over there, waiting for the day of my return, but the other one acts as if I'm his best friend. Is that really enough? Should I just let go of the one who loves me as a friend, or the one who loves me as a spouse? I love both, but I can't decide...That's why my mind is in wonder every time I close my eyes. I love them.
-Moony C. stare cry
