"This image is brought to you by my son Jack, who has been yanking the pants off of his toy soldiers and leaving them in provocative positions on my nightstand."
"Just because you have a new buddy doesn't mean you can all of a sudden drop all of your regular duties, and I know I just said 'drop your doodies', and so help me God if you even smile, I will crush you into two little newbie cubes and hang you from my rear-view mirror. What do you got to say for yourself?"
“Good God in heaven, Newbie, there are just so very many ways for me to say this to you: Never; not in a million years; absolutely not; no way, Jose; no chance, Lance; niet; negatory; mm-mm; nuh-uh; oh-oh; and of course my own personal favorite of all time, man falling off of a cliff —
“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
“Lady, people aren’t chocolates. D’you know what they are mostly? Bastards. b*****d-coated bastards with b*****d filling. But I don’t find them half as annoying as I find naive bobble-headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine.”
“I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week together. Lemme see, uhh…. Low-carb diets. Michael Moore. The Republican National Convention. Kabbalah and all Kabbalah-related products. Hi-def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hot spots, ‘The O.C.’, the U.N., recycling, getting Punk’d, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys. Jeff, that Wiggle who sleeps too darn much! The Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show host! Everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything everything everything everything everything everything–eve–everything that exists — past, present and future, in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions. Oh! And Hugh Jackman.”
“Lemme go ahead and share a little something special with you that I like to call Perry’s Perspective. One: If someone’s standing in front of me in line at the coffee shop and they can’t decide what they want in the half an hour it took to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill them. Two: I’m fairly sure if they took porn off the internet, there’d only be one website left, and it’d be called “Bring back the porn!” Three and most importantly of all: The only way to be respected as a doctor — nay, respected as a man — is to be an island; you are born alone, you damn sure die alone.”
Abstract Realism Community Member 
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