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I'm starting to feel
We stay together out of fear
Of dying alone

I've been slipping through the years
My old clothes don't fit like they once did
So they hang like ghosts of the people I have been

It's like my heart can't be tamed
And I fall in love every day
And I feel like a fool

I have to face the truth
That no one could ever look at me like you do
Like I'm something worth holding onto

There's times I think of leaving
But it's something I'll never do
Because you can do better than me
But I can't do better than you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not once did I ever think I would find the song the PERFECTLY describes how I feel. This song is fear about how being in such a long term relationship losses its charm and you want nothing more than to leave it.

but if you do try and be by yourself, you realize that you just can't. you love the person so much that it's unbearable when you're apart... funny thing is that when you go back to the person, you still feel the same way. it's a terrible feeling all together but you know that there is more to it than that.

i fall in love so easily everyday even though i KNOW that i am with him. but when you do fall in love with another person through their charm, you realize that you can't somehow actually like the person enough to date or even form a bond with beyond friendship because your mind is still on the one your currently in the relationship with. so it puts you down.

if it's not the fact that you can't fall in love with others, it's also having the crush that never likes you back, it makes you feel like utter s**t. and you know that no one will ever look at you the same way your lover does. why do they like you that way so much? how are you so special to them when you're doubting it?

with all your thoughts and panic, your depression drives you wilder and more annoyed... which makes you wonder why the person is still with you. you know they can do WAY better without you. they have the charm, the beauty, the kindness... but who are you without them? your love feels like it died for them but you don't want to be left alone. is it the fear of being alone?

nah, i feel alone even while being in a relationship. i think this is the case of love that might be common when people don't talk and share their feelings with one another. it is so sad but true.

and i'm done with this journal, i've cried enough XD

My tummy hurts~ gonk

So today was pretty much a pointless day that woulda been better for me to have slept through it. Class was canceled and... that's it. I'm also obsessed with this RETARDED rap song. You know the one? The one by Lil Wayne? I'm not into rap but God... WHY IS THIS ONE SO ADDICTIVE.

I don't even know what he's saying most of the time! I just know this line:

"********, I'M ILLLLLLLL, NOT SICK" and the background song, "A MILLI"

it's so ******** STUPID. oh well, that's this era so.. i'll bear with it. I also wanted to draw something today... though i'm not too sure. I HAVE A PAPER TO WRITE, OH SHI--.college, you SUCK.

i just realized that i have NO journal entries for this account! surprised

i think i should mention a small bit about myself, just like i did on my old account.

I'm 18 and female.
i like going to rally dressed as an incubus just to "hump" little boys.
i am a pervert.
i like porn.
i also like anime.
and manga, can't forget that.
JOHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
porn.
raspberries.
trigun.
porn.
drawing.
porn.
cold weather.
sour drinks.
porn.
green tea pocky.
samurai champloo.
porn.
swords (RAPIERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!)
JOHN.
porn.
John Porn?
gay asian porn?
music!
furutsu durutsupu!
ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWER.
Plaid~!
porn.
acrylic paint.
water colour.
graffiti.
KAMINA
porn
john
gaia
bright colours
soft noises
empty places with bright lights.
glow in the dark paint.
dream catchers.
whiteboards.
CAEK
LOLI
SHOTA
PORN
and... cool tshirts. i love tshirts!

i love drawing too. smile OKAY, I'M DONE!