In the end... it's only darkness.. I fought through all of my battles as best as I could, but what did I earn from it? What was I fighting for? And why did I lose everything that I fought to protect? I could still remember the words echo in my head before I clashed for that last moment...
"There's nothing but pain and despair for you if you continue to be the way you are..."
I could feel it sting harder in my heart as I drift in the darkness...
"I'm done watching you as this pathetic mess... I don't want any part of this, so I'm going to be my own being.. and erase your worthlessness from my memory..."
With that... we struck with everything we had... and then he was gone... the man I called my brother.. my shadow.. my friend.. I know why he left and I know that I can never ask him for forgiveness. I don't know why I can't just move forward like everyone has told me to do, but deep inside, I feel that I'm leaving things unsaid and unfinished. I don't want to things to be like they are, but I need to let it go. A tear falls from my now-scarred face as I drift in the nothingness that I've known all my life.. I feel that this is where I will stay and with that, I ready myself for the eternity that I've been fated to... or at least that's what I thought...
"That is enough..."
I feel a hand on my shoulder as it stops me from drifting. I am unsure, but I know that I am not alone. Slowly, I turn my head and see a lone figure who stands before me. His warm smile seems to show that he knows me.. and yet, I have no clue who he is... or do I?
"I know this is sudden for you, but I think you've done enough.. Please rest for now and regain your strength.."
My face changes from shock to anger as I turn and strike with a furious right. As I look towards me, I find nothing in front of me..
"Please do not do this.. I want to talk to you.."
How did he get behind me again? I start to ready myself for another rush at him.. I may not know who he is, but my heart tells me that I must be angry at him...
"I'm sorry that all this has caused you so much grief... but allow me to help you find what you are looking for..."
I pause from striking as I lower my guard. I look towards him in dismay as I begin to question what his motive is. "Why do you want to help me after all this time?" I ask him. He closes his eyes as he comes closer to me...
"Because you deserve happiness... despite all the things that you have endured, your heart has gone through enough grief..."
I suddenly felt my heart drop as I kneal in defeat. I look down at myself wondering about what I've been doing all this time, but then I turn to him as my face scowls at him. "you show up now, of all times, and you tell me this? Where were you when I needed answers?"
"I called out to you before..."
"YOU SAY THAT, BUT I'VE NEVER HEARD ANYTHING!"
"You would not listen..."
"YOU WEREN'T LOUD ENOUGH! I'VE TRIED TO LISTEN!"
"You chose to listen to what you wanted to hear..."
"I NEVER CHOSE ANYTHING FOR MYSELF!"
"but you did choose something..."
I hold off as I look at him in distrust...
"You chose to be something that was beyond your reach... You wanted to be a hero under your own terms..."
"What? I could never be a hero... I knew that from the start..."
"But you did want that in your heart. You have so much desire to protect everything that you hold dear, that you chose to sacrifice yourself in order to keep what you deem precious. It is a selfless act, but your methods just did not allow you to obtain such a cause..."
"Don't you dare tell me what I was doing was wrong!" I lashed out. I didn't want to hear his excuses anymore. "I know that I made mistakes in the past... but regardless I DID learn from them! The only choices that made no sense were the ones that were made for me... and I won't let you tell me that you have something better planned for me too! Nobody who's told me that has made my life any easier!"
"You chose to reject them and the changes..."
"Because they were not what I wanted! Everyone thinks that they know what's best for me! But even so, why has everything blown up in my face? I never asked to have things go the way they have... and I've tried to accept how things are, but no matter what I've gone through hell and it's not fair!"
He stopped as his smile disappeared. In its place, a look of regret has appeared.
"It wasn't fair.. and you didn't deserve such a trail.. for that, I am sorry.."
He bowed down to me as if he was to say this was his fault. Why was he so grieved by this?
"I had watched you for so long as you gone through these tribulations.. I knew that you could not bear such a heavy burden and I wanted to intervene... but you did not waiver in your resolve.. you continued to march forward with your head held high and your heart as pure as anyone that I have known..."
"Why should I let what happened to me be the nail in my coffin? You think I want that to be buried with me?"
"That alone forced me to continue to watch you with little aide... I never thought you could not handle the situations that you had gone through, but you were showing signs of breaking down... and such was your fate when you fought against your heart..."
I began to stand up as I turn my head in confusion. "So... why are you telling me this.. I know what I've been through and this isn't telling me anything new..."
"Then allow me to tell you that your efforts have not gone unrewarded.."
He gets up and shows me faces that I've known... people who I hold close to my heart...
"In your journeys, you have reached out to so many hearts. People who have seen your smile and witnessed your actions have never left your side.. These who you cherrish are there for you.. even in your darkest hour, they have brought you up and given you the strength to move forward... You may think that you are alone, but you can't deny that they are there to help you as they always have..."
A tear comes to my eye as I look towards their faces. I can never forget what they have done for me and it would be a lie to say that I've been alone all this time...
"I know what you mean... but I don't want them to be involved in things that they shouldn't be a part of..."
"they choose to be there for you.. because you are an important part of their lives... as they are a part of your life... you should not underestimate them or their resolve, for they have been your greatest source of strength that has brought you to where you are.."
I can hear their voices. I hear nothing but praise for me as I hold back my tears.
"I love them so much... it's not fair... you can't expect me to say that I don't care about them..."
"Ten why are you bearing everything on your own?"
"Because I don't want them to suffer or hurt like I have. I don't want to see anyone hurt because of me... I only want them to be happy... I want to bring that happiness to them, but even I know that it's not possible.. but when they hurt, I want to be there to heal their pain... I'll take everything that would hurt them, so long as they can smile..."
"But even that is not how it will be... if you suffer, they will know and they will hurt along with you. You cannot expect to carry a burden like that without having anyone do nothing for you..."
I close my eyes as I hold their memories in my heart. "So what is it that you want to do for me?"
"I want to give you the ability to start over. The pain that you have been through can be erased and you can go through with your life better than you have..."
"So you want to force me into something I'm not willing to accept?"
"I'm not forcing you to take anything you do not want to accept.. I am offering a release from the suffering you have undergone..."
I shake my head in disapproval as I turn to him. "Sorry, but if I let you do that, then who's gonna be taking that responsability I've held on to? I don't know what you've been watching, but I won't let people I care about go through anything I've been through.. and even if I have been suffering, all I want is one thing from you..."
"What do you want from me?"
"Don't get in my way... and if anyone I hold dear to me is hurting, I'm holding you responsible for that as well!"
"Do you still desire to continue this path?"
"That's not working, is it? Even if I can't take all the pain, I know that I can mend the wounds that have been inflicted... and no matter what, I will protect what I hold precious to me! I will be the one that fights the darkness so that people can shine in the light. That's what I want for everyone and I'm fine with doing that."
"Do you believe you can do this alone?"
"Who says I'm alone? Even if it looks like I'm alone, I can still hear their voices... they tell me to keep moving forward and I can't let them down. I have show them that I can be strong.. and if I can't, they won't hold it against me... It because of that, that my wings are growing stonger and I can reach my dreams... and I can help them reach their dreams too.."
"What is your dream?"
I smile as I shatter the darkness with my fist. The light is warm as I look out to the horizon. "My dream is simple... I want people to be proud to know my name... Izzy..."
"Perhaps that dream is not too far off. You have never given anyone any doubts to achieving that dream.. perhaps you are as I have heard them say... You are an angel.."
"I'm no angel... but I guess I can try to be... I want to at least give birth to the hope that anything is possible... no matter how many times you fall..."
With that, I discover that he is gone. He did give alot to think about. I have such good friends that I can't see myself without. If there was anyone who could make me happy, it's them. I won't allow my friendships to just disappear... they mean more to me than anything else, so I will never give up on that... and I can see what my brother is getting when he meant my worthlessness. I can't let myself be destroyed... I can't just let myself be stuck in a prison that is not meant for me.. I have to make sure that my friends know that I'm going to be fine.. and I want to allow them the voice to let me know what is in their hearts.. it's because of them, that I've reached farther than I ever have.. so it's time to make my change... I can no longer be the Bandit that takes what he wants... I'm the Angel that protects everything that is precious...
G-Angel Izzy Community Member 
|
|
