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Dear Diary,

I shaved my name into my pubic hair today. I disposed the left-over hair into a small zip-lock plastic bag, and dumped it onto one of my new "friend's" cheesecake.

A few hours ago, I made sweet, hot, passionate, sweaty- potatoes. In the deep-fryer.
I ate all of it and went for a jog.

But before that, I made sweet, hot, passionate, sweaty love...
To a banana.
Then I ate her.
She was muy delisyoso.
So I raped her mother and six daughters and ate them as well.
I left all but one. Her name was Puta.
I left her to copulate her one b*****d son with me...
A b*****d apple named JUAN.

I took care of Puta and raised the b*****d Juan with my belt.
I did this as I watched Sex in the City.
Puta asked me if Juan needed his credentials.
I walked across the table and slapped her.
How dare she ask me whether her b*****d son needed credentials?
She had no right to know whether her b*****d child needed credentials!
I tell her her b*****d apple son Juan does not need credentials because he is a b*****d apple.

Puta agreed and nodded.
I walked across the table YET AGAIN and snap her neck.
How dare that Puta agree with me!?
I decide to feed her to the carabao and bully the b*****d Juan.
I call the b*****d Juan a son of a puta banana. I call his puta of a mother a ripe slut.

He tell me "shut up!" and fight me.
But I was better.
I raped and ate him like I did to his puta mother.
I remembered b*****d apples had no gender anyway.
I pretend he is a blond whore named Latisha.

I will write more later. I have the urge to stimulate my banana.

A-A-F-N!

-Adios Amigo For Now!