July maybe just starting but I feel as if I know how it will end. Me ethier with a job and a car, my parents now proud of me, but instead of me being able to use that hard earned cash, I will owe them, pay them, my mom asking for a little cash day by day or me without a job and no car, walking everywhere, hanging out with Tyler, playing video games and reading books, my parents not proud of me but hand out cash happily.
I am nervous, relentlessly feeling a depression dawn over me this month, but am trying, trying to go down the path that involves my parent's happiness and not having them shovel their complaints down my throat. I just feel a constant draining feeling of growing up to fast, because I have really.
I am at a point in my life where I see my flaws, step into them without thought and suffer through them.
For example, I have made friends whom I thought were great, screwed it up by messing around with guys countless times, even to this day. I know it annoys them and hurts them, but I am the hopeless old biddy, not looking for love but for a cure for being lonely, for being hurt.
Another example I like a guy, alot, we have even done things, he calls me pet names, but for the life of me I can't speak up, even though, a feeling of being used comes to mind and I suffer with it.
But growing up you shouldn't know, you should go head long into things, make things certain instead of unknown, but me...I can't, I have been burned every time so I lie back, watching and knowing, afraid to step forward just flowing along like a quiet river.