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I feel like my heart just got run over. I've slipped back in 30 minutes to where I was 4 years ago. I just wanna take a fist full of zanax and call it a life. Why do I keep getting put into these situations? I'm a good person I really am. I help people on the side of the road, I help people I've never met with situations I've been through, I work, I try to make others smile, community service (voluntary) . So why does life have fun shitting on me? I mean really, I'm ******** done I've met my limit I can't do anymore than I already am. Not only that there were 2 people I thought could really understand me. Just lost my girlfriend of three years (she might come back but for now she's lost to me) and I'm quickly losing myself, so that takes it to a whopping zero. It's not fun when you can't even trust your own thoughts anymore. You'd figure when all else fails you can look inside, right? The world won't do what you won't do for yourself and all that. But where do you turn when you turn against yourself? All I wanna do right now is get high as ********, (yes pot as an escape not my usual style but ******** it right?) cut, (haven't done that in at least 2 1/2 to 3 years but I remember it felt good) get in a fight, (why the ******** not) get drunk as hell, then barricade my self in my room with my thoughts.