Bored of bullshit, tired of what people call the real world. I wanna go inside my mind and make my pretend world again where everything works out and the bad stuff never happens.
Really, this is the world that I mean... this one where I can create a digital face that represents who I am rather than having people staring and judging me constantly. At least here, no one cares about the lies. There is no drama. There is no s**t-talking. There are no difficulties and far less stresses. I do well in school in this world. I have all the friends that I want. I have a family. Said family has no issues with me. It isn't a constant fight every day just to get through it.
Honestly, I can't say that I am all right. On the outside, there is absolutely no reason for anyone to think that there would be anything amiss. I have a job that I have held for more than a year. I am going to school. I am going to college. I have a car that is paid for. I am fed every day even if it is by my own hand. I have lodging and a place to sleep every night. I have a mostly in tact family.
But in reality... every one of those things is a stress to me. Every. Single. Thing. At work, it is a constant bitchfest of who likes who and who can ruin who's name and who is better than who and who fails at their job and who is on drugs and so on and so forth. I am failing school due to missing so many days and also because I have one particularly lovely teacher that has for the last two weeks spent all of the class period yelling at the class and telling us how worthless we are. How we will never succeed in the real world and that all she truely wants is for us to fail her class. How we will never amount to anything without her class and that those of us strong enough to get jobs to support ourselves are worth nothing because it only pays minimum wage, which according to her can't have a living made off of. Sorry, last time I checked half of the unskilled workforce or more were adults living on their own. What pays the bills, pays the bills, last time I looked at how money works.
But aparently that isn't right. I have no desire to be in my college class any longer. I understand why no female has ever finished it yet. My instructor is insuffrable. He is annoying and always absent whenever real help is needed. He knows nothing and talks you in circles while you are trying to figure out how to fix something. Usually this would be to make sure you know what you are doing, but he does it out of his own stupidity. Punctuality means nothing to him unless it is you that are late. He refuses to brush up on skills. He teaches us the hardest way to do something and yells at anyone that finds an easier way to do it. I am wasting money taking his class. He is extremely lucky that I only have one more semester in his class.I may be fed every night, but it eats up nearly all of my earnings doing so as it is eating out that I do. I have no desire at all to be around my family, as they do nothing but try to annoy and irritate me intentionally. If I could bring a choice person with me, then I might want to be there more. But my mother has done everything in her power to make it to where I will not see him for meals that I spend with her. Admittedly, I could go to the store and purchase meals, which would be cheaper. But whenever I bring something into the house, it is devoured before I can get to it a second time, and my mother gives no mind to it. She thinks that she can tell me to get over it most of the time, and then when I get extremely fed up she can pay me off with cash to buy more. If you have cash to buy some, why not just buy some for your other daughter so she can stop eating everything that I buy.
As for family... parents divorced. In court with dad. Uncle dying of cancer in hospice. Grandmother dead. Grandfather remarried and never makes contact. Never met any of these extended family members until a few years ago and I'm supposed to be so close just because my mom calls them family. I want the simple life again. Where I have friends and nothing bothers me and I write and roleplay and can conquer any obstacle. Where I don't have to deal with idiots trying to kill me and my choice person. I am tired of this life. I really just want it all to fade away...
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