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I should be asleep, I have an entrance exam tomorrow, well this morning. But.. after re-watching Lovely Complex... my heart.. is aching for Risa.. she is someone I understand all too well. I have my Otani but.. why am I so fretful? Because... I'm not the kind of girl he likes... but I am, right? I'm a step ahead of Risa.. he's with him.. but... when I look in the mirror.. I am angered. By my shyness and my nervousness. By my mood swings. I... am probably nothing like other girls he's fallen in love with.

But he's not like anyone I've fallen in love with.. heart

I look awful but he still thinks I'm beautiful and when he looks me in the eyes, I feel like the prettiest thing ever. He traces his finger over my collarbone while he kisses me, tracing into a small heart, repeatedly. What do I want for Christmas? Christ, what can I ask for? Eternity? Your heart forever? As I kissed him back, my hand flattened against his chest and I felt his heart beat underneath my fingertips. Mine ran through my head like rapid electronica beats, but his beat was calm, steady and sure. He cupped my face into his hand and gazed at me with those gorgeous blue eyes and my doubts melted. My breath shook a little and I thought of the earlier question of a Christmas gift. He is intent on getting me something special, but.. what can I ask of him? And he asked me if I would come with him to Georgia, the answer is yes. We will argue, yes. We will clam up, yes. But I think we could live together peacefully and let our love become to first flower to grow in our garden. I think we could help each other blossom in springtime. I feel so safe and at ease with you, like this year with you has been since my life has began. My little moods I like to pretend you don't understand, you do. You understand me. Even when I don't. This lump in my throat, is from tears. These tears of disbelief. I fret so consistently because you made me remember what my dreams were and how they formed me as a person. I wanna write again, learn languages, visit places, grow a garden, fall in love. I don't want to ever lose you. I didn't have a map when we found each other. The lump is gone, all I can do is stare at the sky now and daydream of you. heart

Erratic shaking is all I see in me. I can't focus on anything but I have to watch them type, I have to watch them form words, form words that focus on the barrier of my happiness. I can't stop typing, I'm scared to stop typing, my hands seem restless and anxious for a chance to prove their self worth again, to give me self worth again. These hands have planted flowers, have made wreaths, have boxed presents, have played lullabies on the piano, these hands had cradled a sobbing child, and yet these hands are dirty. These hands are smeared with the blood of a failure. Not even worthy of the death of a hero, or the punishment of one. These hands, these wretched goddamn hands sicken me. Their desire to give me worth is overwhelming. I keep scratching at my wrists, at the beginning where I can change myself into someone worthwhile to society. Will society know that I am a fake, a destitute dream in the back of people's heads? I can't continue on like this, the script keeps going but I've lost my motivation and my teacher is gone. I can't focus and bring myself into character, where is this character, this brigade of a body that keeps harm from my heart and soul? She's dead and never coming home.

I enjoy this destructiveness, it feels like home.

The Happening with Mark Wahlberg. I had heard SO much crap about this movie, but I-absolutely-loved it. It is such an environmentalist film. Mark Wahlberg plays a very smart and kind of geeky teacher at a high school. He is married to woman who wasn't ready and their relationship is very rocky and incredibly tense. Then people in Central Park start killing themselves. And panic spreads, of course first thought is, it's a terrorist, but now they just discover its airborne. Which leads concerns. Now, the major cute factor which got to me, is the little girl. She's the daughter of Mark Wahlberg's character "Elliott." She is this tiny little skinny thing who is very shy and she just broke my heart. I couldn't imagine putting my baby through that. Otherwise, it was VERY GOOD with VERY good wisdom in it. Seriously put some thought into it.



5 stars out of 5. Not for the weak of heart. lol


Wanted.
You know that Angelina Jolie flick, which EVERYBODY KNOWS ANGELINA is like the badass of action flicks. Of course, she plays this reckless and hot assassin chick who is killing SOB'S left and right while rocking some heels. It features this good for nothing guy named Wesley who just is a nobody. Crappy job, no life, horrible friends, everything. Finds out his dad was an assassin. Of course, the action is top notch. THE ONLY thing I did not like about it, is the elements actually read how he felt. Like, he goes to an ATM and the ATM says "You're broke you pathetic loser."
I guess they were trying to show his thoughts, but they portrayed it wrong, and the bullets with the words on them. Just... ugh. Other than that, it was good. I can't say too much because the plot is ACTUALLY very in depth.
4 out of 5.

So, Iron Man first. Let me be honest. I did not intentionally want to see this movie. It looked like a total guy fest. I was expecting half naked women falling to their knees for him, this billionaire Tony Stark. However, it was really for both women and men. Gwenyth Paltrow portrayed an amazing red head, his Pepper Pots, a smart but nostaglically sweet woman who can run in a pair of amazing killer heels. And Robert Downey Jr. well... I was just speechless. The role was amazing to begin with BUT he was so viciously hot. It was unfair. I had a hard time considering who I loved more Johnny or Robert, they have similar facial features. The pretty eyes, the facial hair.. the nonchalant jerk tendency. Oh yes, the stereotype arises and overcomes my expectations. I loved it. But I really just want to see it again to watch him look good, lol.


Then last night I saw What Happens in Vegas
Now I didn't have big hopes for this movie. Don't get me wrong. Aston Kutcher, one of the stars of That 70's show he is dumb. He plays dumb roles. He is the host of Punk'd and from the previews I figured this would be another dumb slapstick sarcastic humor kind of movie, and Cameron well she hasn't done anything really since Shrek and that's only her voice at that.
BUT... this was a delightfully fun and sweet movie. How very well thought out and realistic. Ashton really played himself, a playful non committing guy who just really needed someone to bet on him and believe in him. Cameron was the successful businesswoman who just didn't even know who she was anymore and was very unhappy. I loved both of their roles and it left me with a warm gushy feeling of romantic intentions. Oh, and her best friend was the sarcastic hateful friend we all have and love and hate at the same time, lol.

In any case, both of these movies are MUST sees.
Later loves. Work time. heart

I told my mother the ordeal last night about how all the girls went out, but left me behind and how they said I was a shut-in and pathetic and all my mother had to say was "Stop being that way then. Change yourself. Tell them you are a cheerleader or something. Stop being so weird. Tell them your boyfriend is a football player, " And then when I sarcastically added "Should he be black too?" My mom was like "Look I'm trying to help you not be such a freak."
I hung up on her.
Wrong person to call for advice.

I need friends. I have Gaia friends, and an amazing boyfriend. But I have no IRL friends to hang out with whenever, ya know. crying

So, this is one anime, I highly recommend on Bunny's scale of awesomeness, it gets a 4 out of 5 stars. Anyways, it's about two high school freshmen. Koizumi Risa and Otani. They are friends, a comedy duo even. Risa is really tall by Japanese standards and Otani is really short by Japanese standards. Because of this, they make an odd couple. Risa discovers her feelings for Otani, but unlike some stories, he rejects her, not once, but twice. However, with the help of Nobu-chan who has now offically burned the word "Darling" into my head, and her own heart, Risa finally gets the man she loves. It only has 24 episodes. I watched this cute little anime on a website called Surf the Channel.
It honestly made me tear up a bit. It hit a deep spot in my heart, and Seiko makes some good points. Besides all that mushy stuff, you'll enjoy Nobu-chan's cheesy poses and Seiko's wise words from a squeaky voice.
I only gave it 4 stars, because I wish it could go on longer!