|
A Nightmare, and damn it's haunting. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
I woke around three this morning to the most awful screams and shrieks of terror.
After going to bed around 1:30-2 this morning, I just wanted to sleep, really I did.
Maybe wake up around 7 or 8 like I've been so many times.
But this was different, all too different.
I closed my eyes, just hardly glancing to the twilights attempt of rays before laying my head down. I feel asleep quickly, quicker than I normally do, but hey, I was tired. Nothing had happened, nothing bad at least, in the past 24 hours, so I haven't the slightest idea of why it happened or what occurred it to come. It was like all of the bad came rushing to me in just that dream. My mother's death, my father's awful pain, my brother's broken arm. I felt my mother, as I did most nights of the nightmare telling me that it would be all right, that eventually this pain would stop. But it never did. I relived that night of her accident, I felt the pain, the crushing and the suffocation. I could feel my chest collapsing in. Usually this would be where one woke up. However it just felt like it was getting started, getting worse. I felt the night that I had been rejected, torn and thrown away like a street animal. This only added to the pain in my heart. I felt the night I had half-strangled my best friend, something I have never and will never forget. It's a horrible thing, feeling possessed. This feels so much different. It feels like demons are invading my mind and clotting my thoughts with the bad. Even purifications haven't worked for some insane believing. When I awoke, I felt like I was being shredded, like I had been running and running but even exhaustion wouldn't carry me to sleep. The pain in my chest was horrible, and I couldn't take it. It had been almost a month, and I was so proud that in that entire month that I had only taken my pills only twice without succumbing to my hearts fears and my addictions wants. However, this was so much different. It told me that I would wake somebody up, that they would question as to why I was awake at three in the morning. And so, despite my hardest attempts, a new mark has been added to my arm, and it felt so sweet to release the pain in my chest. One cut didn't suffice, two more settled the addictions hunger, but didn't keep it away. If you're reading this, I'm sorry that I've placed my burden to your eyes and mind, I just needed to write it somewhere. It seems even my mind cannot be a sanctuary anymore, and that would be the last one, stripped from my soul. Again, I am sorry for writing this, but somebody needs to know... Anybody will do.
 I Lord of Loneliness I · Sat Jul 18, 2009 @ 04:21am · 1 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
