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Yami had her baby two days before I got my new baby. O w o;; I has a ferret and I have named her Mao. She's squishy and floppy and squirmy. She's ado~orable. whee

"Evil green monkeys"? *shakes head* It's been so long since I've updated this. Yami is married and going to have a kid soon. She set me up with someone after her own heart, though. I feel marginally better about it, but... it's not the same. For a long time, it seemed like nothing was wrong, but now I'm not so sure. The one thing I am sure about is that I am the one with the problems in this relationship.

For so long, I haven't spent my time flitting about because no one cared or I could stay there forever, no matter how much I wanted to, but now there's another reason. I don't want to bother him. Our emotional roller coasters always seem to be on opposite extremes, too.

When I'm up, he's down; when he's up, I'm down.

How vexing.

Not much has changed.... They're not there for me, so why should I be there for them? This is my last year in high school, my last year where I have no choice but to hang around them. Then, next year, they will leave and I won't have to pretend any more. They all... have cut out my heart and torn it to pieces. It's dead now and nothing can revive it.

Yami's been gone for so long. She'll be back tomorrow. School's starting soon. Things just aren't going my way. crying

I'm hungry..... and I'm.... lonely and I have a headache. My last day of school was Tuesday. We did the 'pick up un-exempted friends for lunch' thing again. It was.... not what I expected. K..... I'm (hopefully) going to go eat.

sweatdrop I'm kinda bored... *nibbles on Pocky* I... miss watashi no yami.... but apparently she doesn't miss me. Be still my bleeding heart... it's useless to try to keep up the work. It's pointless. Die. crying

Only a few more days till my birthday!!! =^.^=

I'm bored and lonely and SAD....

http://www.sonymusiceurope.com/cgi-bin/multimedia/wmwax?wm.sony-local.global.speedera.net&wm.sony-local.global/e/evanescence/missing_00_40.wma

It's a good song.... and it's what describes my feelings right now.....

GACK!!!!!!!!!!! To boring elsewhere..... *sigh* I can't DO anything.... it's not FAIR!!!!!!! *whine* ..... I'm bored! I'm bored! I'm bored! It's a Friday night and I'm BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yami-kun is busy. Hamster's not on.... Sam's busy. Chad's... I dunno and I dunna care. Jessica... I don't know..... Oden is at home and so is Zsa-zsa... but.... they're my kitties, so that wouldn't change anything..... Susy (better known as FluffyButt) is sleeping soundly. My dad is watching Red Dragon... not my kind of movie. I don't care. Scary movies are stupid, ya hear me? S-T-U-P-I-D!!! Nothing else...... THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT I'M BORED OUT OF MY MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss... I miss... *shakes head* NO! NO, I DON'T MISS HIM!!!! I don't! I don't! I DON'T!!!! I don't miss the person who was all sweet and warm and.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T!!!! I have no need of him.Things have changed. He never... never ever, never has, never will care about me. He... loves yami-kun and that's.... that's all.... I.... I never mean anything.... to anyone, do I? I'm always.... always so annoying or mysterious or rude to others, aren't I? I... always make people mad at me... They get annoyed 'cause I'll cling... or they'll be puzzled because I don't say anything.... or they'll get offended because I'm not the nicest person in the world... I AM rude.... I DO snap at people for questioning me.... I do go into moods of silence. I'm not cheerful. I'm not happy. I never am.... but who cares? Everyone has their own life to live.... even if is slow as molasses in winter at the north pole.... I am cold... cold as in behavior. Yami-kun gets so mad at me because of it.... yet... she's cold, too. I need the warmth. That's another reason why I cling the way I do, but... yami-kun brushes me off. Hamster... Hamster finally got used to me glomping his arm. I think... he doesn't mind it now.... I don't know. I didn't want to hurt him. I DON'T want him to be sad. He has parents as bad as I do, I believe. I want to try to be their friends, but for so long they... refused touch. I refuse to touch my mom. I hate her. I refuse to touch my sister often. She is a cold goody-goody and ignorant of me. My brother..... I haven't seen him in awhile and... he's too busy anyway. My sister and brother both blew it. I won't get close to them. I reached out to them and they brushed me off. I needed them and they ignored me. If they don't need me, then I don't need them. My dad... is my dad and I avoid physical contact with him though he is an awesome cook and gamer, so I do seek his company sometimes, but nothing else. Yami-kun... I've already been over that subject. K.... openly declared that she hates me, so.... I know some of what to expect from her. I try not to bother her, but she seems to take more annoyance from my silence than my jabbering. Sam... is yami-kun's bf. To me, he is nothing more. I despise him, I'm jealous of him, and if it had to be someone, it would have to be him that I would let take care of yami-kun. I would utterly destroy anyone else. Window is not a good choice. I can feel it. Whatshername(Katey? Catherine? anywho), Hamster's xgf is not a good choice. She gives me a bad feeling; I can sense something wrong. She makes the hair on the back of my neck raise and I want to hiss at her and make her go away. I get that feeling from Chad, too. I don't like him or Window or the other. I don't like them. I don't like them. I DON'T like them! I... I'm lonely, but I can't find the Lonely Bar... I think I shall go search for it again...... L8ters....