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Why can't I let myself be happy?

I've noticed that some people actaully look at my journal (even if they don't comment) so I figured for once I'd right a semi meaningful entry (well see how it goes.) Everything for me has been going pretty well. I'm back at home for a month for the holidays which is awesome for me becuase I get to see my beau everyday. And we are doing really well as well. School is blah. I'm doing good but I dont like it there. What can you do. I'll go somewhere else next year and maybe theyll have a niche for me. We'll see. Work is work. I just keep telling myself it could be worse. And my family life is better then it was before. We still have our moments but over all it is. Maybe because they missed me, idk. Gaia is growing old to me. I might be gone soon. Probably this summer once I'm out of Orlando I'll stop. Not on purpose, but I think it will happen. I don't have time for it anymore. My life right now is my work and my love, not a bad combination though. I think that is about it.

Merry Christmas
anon

AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have always thought that I was very pessimistic but maybe I am optimistic, but too optimistic to where when you are diappointed, it hurts even more. Idk, it's just a thought.

I need a place to vent. Today has been really stressful for me. My mind won't stop running and as soon as I get it to, my peace is interupted, only to tack on more to my list. I have found it hard to breathe today. And the best part, its not over yet and there is no relief insite for at least two weeks. Thats if I'm lucky. My problems are petty but numerous. Its like though you see only one roach, its what lies behind the walls. Does that even make sense? And if you bothered to read this, I'm sorry but thank you for comeing to my pity party. Cake and punch will be served in the foyer. You can see yourself out.




EDIT: it looks to me like I'm secretly emo. Let's hope not. And I'm better now thanks to my beau ^^

Yays for my birthday! I'm 19 now. I dont feel it one bit. When I was little, I imagined it differently. I cant exactly say how but I know it was different. Oh well. This way it stays exciteing.

At last, an entry with something positive to say. Things haven't been spectacular but they deffinately haven't been bad. But soon I fear it will end. Not everything, but just some of my happiness. I'll deal of course, but that doesnt mean I'll like it.

Today was a day......

Hopefully tomarrow will be better.

Let's all get together and have a pity party for me.

And why is it my journal entries are never up beat.

Perhaps because the only thing I deem worthy enough to write, are the bad things.

Yet maybe its better that way, just let the good things go by unnoticed.

They say if you have done something right, then no one should notice at all, perhaps it is like that.

Because today wasnt completely horrible, not in the least bit.

But who wants to hear about that.

Then again, who wants to hear about the crap.

I think I'll go to bed now.