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idk why i even bother getting crushes on people because it’s not like i’m gonna end up dating them anyway so like it’s such a waste of feelings

and even if i do end up dating that person, that person shows so much disinterest and it doesnt even last long.

If someone smiles often, thinks positively, and can enjoy the small things in life; I am naturally enticed with who they are. I admire someone who can put their cynical and pessimistic thoughts aside and bear through with a sense of humor. To me, that is everything. I think I’d fall in love with a compassionate person who can laugh through their own tears.

even talking about it makes me get warm feelings inside.
i seek this alot in people.
but i always surround myself with intelligent people.
and they become depressed.
and i feel so useless because i know i cant help and do anything but be supportive because they're individuals with own problems so i cant relate what so ever.

I have never been in the position to know what it feels like when you’re picked first. I’m never someone’s first choice. I don’t come to mind in people’s head when they need to talk. I’m not the person everyone goes to spill their secrets to either. I am a doormat waiting for the approval of others that I am doing something right. I always listen, yet I am rarely heard correctly. I am a wallflower.

"Sometimes we distort reality by projecting our feelings onto people, rendering them into an image, an idea, or an object of how we want them to be, thus, building ourselves up to be disappointed. I think it’s such a crude thing to do, to strip them down, to pick and choose their idiosyncrasies and only focusing on the ones you like, while completely ignoring the others. To only think of them as parts and not a whole."

“Black is modest and arrogant at the same time. Black is lazy and easy - but mysterious. But above all black says this: “I don’t bother you - don’t bother me”.” — Yohji Yamamoto.

god im exhausted.
I'm way too tired to do anything right now.
like, i can't even explain my feelings. its not even happy or sad.
its more in between depressed and stressed.

i dont think being an introvert is bad. as i am one. lolol. i just hate the fact that its labeled as "loner" or "you suck at socializing with people" i mean are you serious? I’m just so detached and distant and cold at times, but I swear if you spark my interest, I can become clingy and you’ll become so important to me and I will put so much of my time and effort towards you. like, this quote:

"When you’re an introvert like me and you’ve been lonely for a while, and then you find someone who understands you, you become really attached to them. It’s a real release."
—Lana Del Rey.

but you will get tired me. and i assure you. and its just, people are like that. when i show them attention they distant themselves from me besides confessing to me what im doing wrong. which is most of the time i dont even LIKE approaching or talking to people anymore. I'm tired of doing s**t that upsets people just because i was just being myself, honestly. I'm tired of putting in effort to missing people that doesnt even miss me in return. I dont want to talk to people anymore. i lost that motivation and that feeling.

I just, I want to live simply. I want to sit by the window when it rains and read books I’ll never be tested on. I want to paint because I want to, not because I’ve got something to prove. I want to listen to my body, fall asleep when the moon is high and wake up slowly, with no place to rush off to. I want not to be governed by money or clocks or any of the artificial restraints that humanity imposes on itself. I just want to be, boundless and infinite.

I HATE SHARING MY BOWL OF FOOD SERIOUSLY OMG I SOUND LIKE A GRUMPY FAT JAPANESE WOMAN BUT SRSLY.

i dont want to be stingy and greedy and what not but i hate the feeling of sharing.
LOL. i mean i can share crayons with you and all but i just hate sharing my bowl of food because either the person facking eats most of it or i cant eat at all because there are two FACKING forks/spoons/chopsticks in one bowl and i cant even get a piece of anything because your face is all up in ma bowl bro.

OR EVEN IF THERES ONE FORK/SPOON/ONEPAIROFCHOPSTICKS THEN I CANT EAT AT ALL CUZ THE MOTHAFOCKA TOOK MY EATING UTENSIL.