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My mother, after a good five years of telling her I was need to be on medicince has finally decided to take me to the doctor and possiably a phyciatrist.

I finally had enough courage to tell her that at least 4 times a day I go to the bathroom and cry for no reason, and that today I had no passes left so I was stuck sitting in the back of class to silently cry. Of course, my not telling her has much to do with the fact that every time I see her, my a** hole father is around and everyone knows I try to avoid him like the pleage, or else be harassed by him to hte point of physical violence. Gods, I hate that man: I swear one day there will be cienide slipped inot his P.A.P. machine, and I will stand over him and watch him suffer........ cool heart I would love that.....

Any who, I hope this really does help me (trust me I needs it) and I hope that all of you that care about me wish me luck and hope that I'm not. like, comitted or something like that. With the way my lucks been these past few days, it's highly likely. sweatdrop

I'm so sick of all of this, I really am all alone. I've not heard from really anyone in almost a month. I'm so ******** sick of this; why am I always the hermit? and it seems that people have started to ignore me; not really difficult to do seeing as to how no ones ever really listened or payed attention... I really just want to lie down and die; the loneliness is that oppressive. It's like all of the color in life is slowly fading and makes the hurt even worse. No, I am not suicidal, just extremely heart broken and alone. Not that any of you really care, right?? *gestures toward the empty site* lol .

And then there are just those times where you just really wonder if the people in your life would be better off with out you and then there are those other times when you just want to end it, just in spite of those people, just so you could hurt them. it's really a wonderful thought until you actually go to do it..... Stupid world, come back in color; I’ll show you mad .

There was this one time when my dad was kicking the s**t out of my mom, sister and I and I was looking for my atheme to run him through with it. b*****d, He's one of those people how buts the blame on everyone but himself. You know, a real a** hole who makes one wonder why the gods let people like him exist. As anyone who’s been over here repeatedly will tell you, I’ve never known a “happy home”

Then there's my mother, the hypocritical b***h. She ignores every cry for help, any from anyone; Like my father will go off his meds because they ******** with his blood sugar and whatnot. Then there are this times where I feel like hurting someone, anyone. I've slept probably more than 8/9 of the past five years and go through bouts of not eating at all or gorging myself. I used to be on anti-depressants, but she took me off of them after about a week, when she watched a news report about how they were making people commit suicide. I'm sorry, the pills don't make you commit suicide, feeling like you should be on a different pill and not telling a doctor about it is what makes you take the cowards way out. 3nodding

Alright, I think that's all of the bitching to myself I can dish out right now.