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Dear Journal,

Today I messed up I sat there and made the one person I love that keeps me going mad at me today. I miss him and it has only been 6 hours. I Hurt my chest feels like I blew a hole through it. I hurt so much I want to cry but can't even do that anymore. I just don't know what to do I may have seriously messed up I mean I planned my whole future on meeting him physically and asking him to date me maybe make it more if he wanted but now I could have messed that up. I swore to protect him and I was the one to hurt him. I cant even look at myself I disgust me just because I sat there and decided to side with a friend. I don't deserve to love anyone if I messed this up He was my whole reason to wake up and talk to someone. I mean I was on the brink and he brought me back and now I think I messed that up Why do I have to be such a idiot. I mean out of everyone I could make hate me it was that one special person that one light in my dark world that made it worth living. I mean I am not going to kill myself but if I made it to where I ruined us being together then I guess I'll walk around and be a zombie not able to love not wanting anyone to care about me. I would just disapprear. It just hurts because I could have with a few short words made everything I wanted go up in smoke.

I Miss you Nikku,
Yukiko Suki.