I saw someone the other day...a ghost of someone wearing my clothes. Now it didnt bother me as much as seeing her with my clothes on but...Just her in genarl. I screamed her name and i think she looked my way but i will never know. It happend so fast. The sudden rage that boiled over. I wanted to just rip her apart and be done with her. Then it was the heart breaking pain.. the one where i wanted to just stick my hand through my chest and rip my heart out. Then came the tears. And me missing her...The worst pain ever to be felt besides hate and betrayal. Tho i cant hate her. No just the things shes done. But i think now...theres something wrong with me. I shouldnt feel this way...becasue i know for damn sure she dosnt feel like i do..does she? Does she look at herself in the mirror every day and wonder how im doing? I must be sick. Its gotten better throught out the day. I dont think about her or the little things that remind me of her. But at night always at night it happens. When my body shuts down and my briand dosnt it just thinks. It thinks about the past and the good times. The pain in my heart stings. It thinks about the things we did together. My chest aches. It thinks about the harsh words and the meanings behind them. The tears come strong. And then im crying...for the past two weeks ive been crying myself to sleep. And its gotten worse since i saw...her ghost. Tho she isnt dead. Not physicaly. Her body still walks around her mind still thinks. But my Best Friend. Shes dead to me. If i could i would stick my hand right through my chest rip my heart out and the destroy any evidence in my heart that she left. But in reality i cant do that. I cant or i would kill my self. But i dont want to think anymore. I dont want to feel the pain i dont want to rember her any more. I want to forget. I want to forget everything. Cause then the pain would stop. My heart would be fixed. And no one would have to worry about fixing the broken girl. Theres stil that little peice thats screaming in my body. The one that wants to talk to her. The one that misses her truley. It keeps telling my mind talk to her and the pain will stop. But would it? She dosnt even want to talk to me anyways. She hates me. She dosnt like me. If she did. She would have spoken to me by now. But she dosnt. I still wonder can she still look in the mirror everyday and still like herself?
 RavenDeEmaculiate · Sat May 15, 2010 @ 09:00pm · 0 Comments |
