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I can't be home tonight... |
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I don't really want to make this all fanciful or particularly intelligent, so excuse me in advance if it's especially boring.
Let's see, it's been about a year and a half since I've *really* messed around on Gaia, longer still since I've written a journal entry. And, going over past ones, maybe that's not such a bad thing. Yeah, I'm plenty mature enough to recognize a silly pile of garbage when I see it, but a wistful part of me defends the real feelings that came with that age. The highs were high and the lows were low, that's for sure; can't say teenagers aren't passionate. I feel pale and old reading my fifteen year old thoughts.
Anyway! Stuff, stuff and it's happenings. Um, just about done with college, plan to make it out of there next spring with my AA degree for Education, so let's hope that plays out. I have a job as a nanny (though honestly I can tack on maid there) for two kids--been there about a year now, the pay's real nice. Might have to quit soon, though, since I don't get called in very often anymore. That's pretty much it professionally, I'd rather not get into details.
Personally...I've lost a lot, which sucks, but losing these people, things, makes me value their memories more. When I find myself in a positive situation, I can recognize that it'll be worth remembering, to appreciate what I have while I have it. Quite possibly, those moments are the most humbling I've ever experienced. And, sometimes, even if the event turns bad, you can take what you learned there and move forward. Well, it's easier to think that way than tell yourself you failed, I guess.
I'm still an idiot, and hiding self-consciousness behind false bravado and arrogance, but I try to do my best, to analyze something and tackle it at face-value. That's enough for now.
 AliceofHearts · Sun Aug 07, 2011 @ 06:22pm · 0 Comments |
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Heh, like my favorite pairings. You know, except for not. But it should be cannon!
Well, of course you did.
I don't have the heart for this right now. Julian's off somewhere and that always freaks me out. The only time he's not with me are the times that I feel an attack surfacing, and, of course, during. Scream for him all you want--he won't show up.
At least he helps pick up the pieces, I suppose. This guitar pick tastes like dirt.
AliceofHearts · Mon Mar 10, 2008 @ 01:40am · 0 Comments |
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Alright, Life, here's my verdict. I believe that only certain people are supposed to be in love, and others are supposed to watch from the sidelines. *nod-nod* It's not an emotional or bad thing, but I think that's how some people are.
Yeah, there's that whole, "I can change my destiny!", thing, but, seriously, some people just don't have it in them. I don't have it in me to be loving towards someone.
. . . That sounds so stupid.
Well, that's my perception of it. That sounds sorta lonely though, don't it? Ah, I'm sure everything'll turn out fine. If you think about it . . . never loving someone is sort of selfish. No matter what you do, it'll always hurt someone.
What brought this on?
Mou, that makes me sound suicidal or something! I just mean that - actually, I'm not sure what I meant.
Lost my train of thought! ^_^;;
-_-;; I swear, girl . . .
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! ^_^;;
AliceofHearts · Tue Jun 27, 2006 @ 03:08am · 2 Comments |
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^ ^ Answer this lil' guy and it'll make you famous!
What would you do if...
1. I came running to you crying?
2. I kissed you?
3. I said I loved you?
4. I was murdered?
5. I commited suicide?
6. I killed someone?
7. I was hospitalized?
8. I was going to die?
9. I was your stalker?
10. I became severly depressed?
11. You recieved a phone call from me, and someone was on the other line and they said that I had died in some car accident?
12. I became famous?
13. I started smoking?
14. I did drugs?
15. I gave you $100 dollars?
16. I lived next door to you?
17. I stole something?
----------------------------------------------------------------
What do you think of......
My eyes?
My hair?
My body?
My personality?
My smile?
My voice?
Anything you'd change?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Whats more important?(Pick ONE of the following.)
A. Popularity.
B. Personality.
C. Age.
D. Eyes.
E. Breast size
F. Sexiness.
G. Money.
H. Religion.
I. Kind.
J. Skin color.
K. Hair.
L. Sexual appeal.
M. Gender.
N. Weight.
O. Height.
P. Attraction.
Q. Intelligence.
R. Clothing style.
S. Hobbies.
T. Loyalty.
U. Honesty.
V. Respect.
W. Nationality.
X. Perfection.
Y. Looks.
Z. What I like.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Other Things...
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. More than friends?
4. What are your hobbies?
5. Where are you from?
6. What other languages can you speak other than English?
7. Favorite type of music?
8. Describe me in one word.
9. Is there something you want to tell me, but can't?
10. What do you like best about me?
11. Pick one emoticon for me.
12.Whats one thing you like about yourself?
13. One thing you hate about yourself?
14. One thing you like about me?
15. One thing you hate about me?
16. Whos your favorite person?
17. Would you kiss me?
18. Would you tell me that you loved me?
19. Would you marry me?
20. Drive half-way across the country to see me?
21. Do something to harm me?
22. Whats your favorite anime?
23. Favorite color?
24. Favorite food?
25. Favorite place to visit?
26. Favorite place to go for solitude?
27. If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?
28. Will you put this in your journal to see what I have to say about you?
AliceofHearts · Mon Dec 19, 2005 @ 11:31pm · 6 Comments |
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Black and white make grey. |
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"Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars...
Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars..."
It's almost offical. We're definitly moving in exactly two months.
[Sigh]
I hate this ******** world. Well, not exactly, of course. I know everything could be a lot worse but, damn; it's just so hard to remember that when your life is being turned upside down, okay? That's not to mention i'm failing Geometry...
I seriously think this is going to kill me. Taylor's already got insane ideas in her head; this might make her act on them.
Oh well. I just feel like if I were to 'act on them', as Julian so eliquently puts it, then I'd be wasting my life. I know thousands of homeless or abused or whatever people would just love to have my family - my life. If I could, I'd give it to them, really. Not just saying that to sound like some ******** great Saint either, 'cause I know I sure as hell ain't.
Wow. And I really don't think you would go through with it, genius. You definitly don't have the will to do that to your mom. Didn't your brother basically ditch life, too?
[Shakes head in a negative]
Anyways, so this entry is basically on this kind of stuff. Oh, and I have the song above stuck in my head. Great music they got on that NFE show. FlCl, too. Not that I understand half of what The Pillows are saying, but whatever.
[Shrugs]
Then Miranda's in some band and asked me to play in it. Ha. That'd be funny. It'd be kinda' awkward, having an alto saxophone in with a bunch of alternative rock musicians, but I guess it could give the band some flavor.
Moving. God, I just can't get over that. And in three years, I can move back into this place for cheap rent. Mom says we're not selling it, so that's a good thing. I hate this sooo ******** much, I can't stress that enough. My next few months of life are going to be miserable, i'm sure. My grades are going to drop further, i'm sure of that too. I care, just...I have more emotionally important things to deal with right now...
Guess it's like they say, right?
"Save today for today, leave tomorrow for tomorrow."
So that about sums it all up. I'll write again soon, hopefully - though, so far no one seems to be reading my journal entries anyways...
AliceofHearts · Thu Dec 01, 2005 @ 10:33pm · 0 Comments |
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Ah, man. I'm soooo ******** tired.
[Yawn]
Think I need something to wake me up. Maybe chocolate. This Coke thing just ain't cutting it, and I hate coffee, so that's out of the question. I didn't know we only had two days of school next week 'til Ashley asked if we did and I went to go check. Thanks for that, Lee. Not that it helps. Gah! I'm failing English! ******** moron, he doesn't know how to teach. I'm the most literate person I know (in real life) and i'm not saying that to be arrogant, i'm just stating the truth, baby. Then i've got two D's, one in geometry and another in french class. Mrs. P is all sad because i'm not doing good in her class anymore (french). Yeah, yeah - i'm a little teacher's pet in that class. So what? Just makes my life easier.
I just wrote a comment in someones journal. He seemed really depressed so I decided to give a little advice, though it was really lame. Plus, well, look who's giving the advice, eh? That's the last thing someone like me should be doing. Whatever, I just hope it helps. 'Specialy since I never had anyone give it to me but have always wanted to hear it. Save Julian, but he's always got to put a little ******** twist to it to make me feel like s**t. And it's not exactly like I can get rid of the b*****d either. He's always with me, wherever I go. Kind of reminds me of a lost little puppy, only this puppy is a pitbull with huge black claws and teeth who attacks my ankles for food because I won't give him any.
Ha, Roger Rabbit.
So I think that's about it. If anyone reads this: Happy Turkey Day!
^ ^
AliceofHearts · Sun Nov 20, 2005 @ 07:39pm · 0 Comments |
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Gah. stare I almost killed like 4 girls in school today. What kind of a name is 'Francis' anyway? The Niravam was...odd. It made me super happy for about an hour then super depressed the next. Wierd. eek I took Monday off, and got a schedule change. I have 2nd period with Ash now! -High fives her- Yeah! And there's this kid in my Geometry class that I think may have potential - but...it's too early to tell anything. But he's really smart and I like him! 4laugh Only, Lee must never know because she knows him. Hmm...Well, i had a French 1 test today. I don't have the results yet, but I think I got a perfect score!! whee
Yay! And my new science teacher is wierd. He already gave us an assignment on what we did last year. Sorry, but teachers should just NOT do that! I can't remember what I had for freakin' breakfast and he wants me to know what Hydrogen Piroxide and Manganese Dioxide mixed together make?!?!? It makes Oxygen at the top of the beaker so if you place a glowing match over it, a white flame bursts from the tip! >.< Thats all I know! RAWR! I don't like his teaching methods. Great person, yes - but horrible teaching skills. -Sigh- But thats just a personal opinion. I'm reading 'Go Ask Alice' and none of her diary entries sound like mine. Not the events but she just seems like a better person than me. You can tell by how she writes everything... sad Oh well! I think I'm an okay person. Unless you piss me off. Quick temper and all that. sweatdrop
AliceofHearts · Wed Aug 17, 2005 @ 10:48pm · 0 Comments |
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So this is a Gaia Journal? Hm. Alrighty-then. Well, um, today was pretty boring and I still don't have my Niravam crap for on Monday stressed . Which is seriously stressing me out. Mrs. Kinsman wont be so nice and will probably start yelling and put me into another attack. -Sigh- God, how I hate her. Hopefully, Mom can come in and make sure she doesn't make me flip out. Which is annoying because I feel like I'm weak or something and I need to have her next to me to 'protect' me. Pssshh. I'll be fine, she doesn't need to worry.
.....Okay - so maybe she does. sweatdrop It's not like I want her to or anything. So now I'm worried about that, plus my new classes, plus my new teachers I'll have once my schedule changes. gonk It's just too much!! On Friday afternoon, Mom gave me one of her pills for Anxiety and it just knocked me out. I doubt she'll let me use them in school if they make me unconcious. stare I kind of want to ask her to just let me take the day off. Honestly (and sadly) I'd rather go, it's just I'm so dang nervous. And also the Niravam thingies come in on Monday and I still need to get permission from the office to use them. I figured I could just take Monday off, take the Niravam and see how it affects me, then drive down to the school to let them know that I can take pills in class. Seems logical to me but then again, what do I know. Afterall - I'm just an adolescent. I just got MSN today xd lol, that was fun.And I also got my GAIA account today. Yay! I think I'm done now...so, um - Bye!
AliceofHearts · Sun Aug 14, 2005 @ 04:01am · 0 Comments |
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