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I feel so alone and depressed. I wish Feronen were here right now. I text him about a billion times with the tiniest bit of hope that maybe he would be awake or wake up and text me back. Of course, I wake him up when I don't want to but when I really need him he's sound asleep or ignoring me. 
He told me I could call him in the middle of the night if I needed him, and if I ever did its now, but I can't bring myself to pick up the phone. I honestly don't think he'd answer the phone, and if he did, I'd feel guilty for waking him up. So I sit here alone, in tears. I don't know what to do. I can't sleep and I'm so depressed.
I'd burn myself again except for two things. I can't find somewhere to do it where it won't be seen. That and if I did, I think Feronen might hate me. He got mad at me last time and I think he might hate me if I did it again. I couldn't take it if he hated me.
I don't know what to do, I wish Feronen was here.... cry
 Avalonia Rose · Sun Feb 26, 2006 @ 12:45pm · 3 Comments |
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In the last six months... |
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Its been six months since Ive posted. Since then:
I've turned 17.
My boyfriend and I went to a Nickleback Concert in Konocti (sp?).
I joined the fan club for my favorite band, Disturbed (the Disturbed Ones)
For halloween I was a Vampire (again).
For Thanksgiving I missed out a great vacation that I might get to go on for spring break. I was supposed to go down south with my boyfriend and his family and spend Thanksgiving with his family, but they had issues, and I couldn't go.
I feel ice skating the 23rd of December and busted my arm. It took my parents two weeks to do anything about it. sweatdrop I've seen a doctor but now I need to see another one, and probably get a cast and figure out what is wrong with me. Hopefully I will get my cast before my concert (see below) because a rock concert and a busted elbo in a wrap (its vulnurable) doesnt sound like fun. Sounds painful gonk
The same day I feel and busted my arm, my Neice, Christine Marrie (the only real name you may ever get from me). Shes so cute. My brother and his fiance weren't married but they got married one week after her birth to the day. I get to see pictures from the wedding later.
Christmas came and went. I asked for an MP3 player but I got a sock monkey. stressed I got seriously jipped on that one. My sister, as always, got something really good and I got sad gifts. I got my sock monkey, a computer mouse that barely works, a head set (which I do like), and a USB Flash Drive (128MB). My sister got a CD player, a kareoke machine, skates, Japanese wooden shoes, and the newest Anime Insider.
New Years was good. I spent that whole weekend (four days) with my boyfriend. I stayed at his house with his family. The first night (of three) I spent the night on the couch, but the next two nights, he let me have his bed and he took the couch. 4laugh Isn't that sweet of him?? heart heart heart heart
My dad broke my door down litterally. I currently dont have a door. Hes working on it, but I havent had a door since Saturday. Ill just be happy if my doornob still locks.
You know why he broke my door down? Because a few months ago he slammed it at me so hard that it broke because I wouldnt play his psychological games he likes to torture me with, so it didn't close right. This time, I was on the phone and he started listing chores for me to do. I said I'd do it when I got off the phone and I closed the door after he left, and locked it like I always do. Because it requires some force to close it, he opened the door and slammed it so hard that it knocked a glass bottle off one of my shelves (it broke) and damn near broke my door in half. It wouldn't close or open correctly. He yelled and screamed at me and threatened to hit me.
Later he came back and inspected my door and discovered that I was right, that it was his fault. Now he teases and picks at me about it like hes trying to start another fight with me because he knows Im trapped.
There is good news though.
Things that are coming up:
On Friday, Im going to the Disturbed Concert!!! I even get to go to the Meet and Greet.
Soon, my beloved will have been together for a full year.
heart heart heart heart Our One Year Anniversary is February 2nd! heart heart heart heart
Things that are constant:
My cat is a pain in the a**.
My dad is a royal asswhole, and damn near abusive. He makes fun of me until I either lash out and he punishes me, or I burst into tears from frustration.
My mother is a mouse and wont stand up for me or herself.
My sister gets me into trouble for her s**t.
Im never home.
I feel more at home at my boyfriend's house then I do in my own.
I watch too much TV.
My life is other than with my boyfriend revolves around the internet.
Now Ive updated my journal in one BIG post. Thats the short version of everything to happen to me over the last six months.
Avalonia Rose · Tue Jan 10, 2006 @ 02:47am · 2 Comments |
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I got a new MP3 player!!!!!!!!!!! |
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I got a new MP3 player!!! And for free no less, except I owe my friend $15 for the memory card but still!!! I love this thing.... so much space!! I can fit almost my whole cd collection either on the MP3 player itself or on the memory card!! It rocks!!!
xd Special thanks to my big bro Torachande for the MP3 player!!!!!!!!!! YOU ROCK!!!! xd
Im finally done loading all the songs, and I got my entire CD collection and then some on here, totalling 72 songs!!!! Everything from Disturbed (IM GOING TO THEIR CONCERT ON THE 8TH OF AUGUST!!!!!!!!!! MY FAV BAND!!!!!!) to Evanesance to Linkin Park to J Pop to Aqua and some stuff inbetween!
Avalonia Rose · Wed Jul 13, 2005 @ 03:14am · 1 Comments |
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And away I go... to the middle of nowhere.... |
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Tomorrow, I board a train to no where... Harvard Nebraska... so small of a town that it isnt even on most maps.... and my grandparents live there and own about half the town.
Two days on a ******** train to get there too... and 2 days back... during which time I doubt my cell phone will work, meaning I cant talk to my boyfriend. crying
I really dont want to go... sad cry crying I really dont want to go. Im leaving behind my friends, my cat, and most importantly, my boyfriend. (To all those who laughed at that, BURN IN HELL!!! evil )
I leave for 12 days. Ill spend 8 days in this little nowhereville (think Courage the Cowardly Dog... the farm house is about how middle-of-nowhere Harvard is, only its in Nebraska, not Kansas). I spend a total of 4 days on the train which is the only part of trip Im looking forward to, particularly the train ride back, because that means every second Im getting closer to home and my beloved.
Im going to be stuck in a town with a gas station, which is also the grocery store, and a bank, but its really tiny. There isnt even a single trafic light in the whole damn town!!! stressed Theres a pool thats all the way across town from my grandparents house, but sadly you can still see it from their front lawn and its only a 10 minute walk to it if you walk slow. You can litterally stand at one end of the town and see the other, and sadly, within 10 minutes you can do the same from the otherside of town. You know what they do for fun there? Drive out to the Wal-mart in Hastings.... god soo very sad...
At least I get the fun of being the only rocker in town, and by rocker I mean Im a goth, and theyve never seen a rocker before out there. Im gonna enjoy this vacation Jonny C. style... tramatize thy neighbor!!! twisted
Second up side: I get to play with all the fireworks that are illegal here in California! Bottle rockets and firecrackers here I come. Im a pyro so thats gonna be great.
Even though I get my fireworks and I get to scare the s**t out of the natives, its still not worth it in my eyes. I really dont want to go, I dont want to be apart from Feronen (my bf's gaia name) for that long. I realize that in the view of many others, the fact that I dread this vacation mostly because Im parting with him is rather sad, but frankly, I dont give a damn. (God I love that line xd ... gone with the wind, Ret Butler to Scarlett)
I havent even left yet, and already I cant wait to return... which is sad because I hate to be home. I almost never am, Id rather be somewhere with Feronen.
Someone save me from this so-called family vacation!!! Sadly, I cannot be saved from it, its a fate I must endure sweatdrop ... but still.... I dont want to go!!!! gonk
Heres a picture of the road to Harvard... you turn down that road and go about a mile and your there!
Avalonia Rose · Sat Jun 25, 2005 @ 06:35am · 1 Comments |
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The return of my apitite... |
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Ive been sick with either a terrible cold or the flu for a while now, and all I have left of it is a bad cough. When I was really sick until today, which was about 3 weeks, I was never hungry... and I have a fast motabolism so thats not normal for me.
Today, my apitite returned and I have been hungry all damn day. Come to think of it, Im hungry now... I think Ill go eat the 1lb chocolate rabbit I got for easter and hid in my closet.
*disapears to forage for chocolate*
Avalonia Rose · Tue Apr 05, 2005 @ 06:06am · 0 Comments |
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Today, I went to the mall with my beloved boyfriend. We wondered around for a while, and he bought me a claddagh. I'll never take it off!
I also finally got my cat ears! I now have another complete outfit with a doll to match! The only differance, is thats my real hair and eye colors, not my avatar's, and the fishnet doesnt stretch across my stomache:
Avalonia Rose · Sun Apr 03, 2005 @ 07:38am · 0 Comments |
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Yesterday, I finally got the yukata Ive been questing for, as a gift for my boyfriend, and he got it today. What I didnt know, is the one I chose was the one he really wanted! heart He was soo happy!!! 3nodding Im glad I chose that one! I never expected a reaction like that! 3nodding
heart He also gave me a gift. He got me the silver locket I have wanted for so long! I put it on as soon as I got it. It will be quite a while before I take it off. heart
Avalonia Rose · Thu Mar 31, 2005 @ 04:04am · 0 Comments |
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YAY! He comes home today! |
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After a week of waiting, my boyfriend comes home today! Im so happy and I cant wait to see him! I miss him soooo much!
heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart
What I think is funny, is my best friend and I have switched boyfriends, unintentionally. I am dating her ex, and shes dating mine. So much for that rule about not dating a friends ex... especially since my friend and I agree this set-up is much better suiting.
Im watching my kitten, who is high on catnip for the first time in his life, run around the kitchen going nuts! Its adorable! He's chewing on the mouse I put in a bag of catnip overnight, and he's only getting higher! Hes sooo cute!
Avalonia Rose · Sat Mar 26, 2005 @ 09:48pm · 0 Comments |
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I went swimming yesterday, which might have been a bad idea alone, based on the temperature, but add to that, it was raining, and I was already getting sick. My friend also through me in the cold pool when my origanal intention was to stay in the hot tub. Luckly, she also fished me out when my lungs froze and I couldnt move. Plus I had to walk the 2 mile distance home, in the pooring rain. Not good.
Now Im even more sick. Im exhausted too, since my kitten would let me sleep.
Add to that, somehow, Im not sure how, yesterday, I fractured a rib... I think it was when my brother slammed me on the couch or when I was wrestling him... Unfortunately, now I cant sleep on my left side.
My boyfriend is not gonna be happy to hear about that. He already didnt like the idea of me going swimming, and wasnt happy that I got even more sick. Hes gonna be upset when I tell him I broke a rib, and I dont know for sure how.
Now every time I cough, it hurts my side too... just not having much luck at the moment....
Avalonia Rose · Thu Mar 24, 2005 @ 06:47am · 1 Comments |
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