Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Hey everybody..
well not to much has gone on lately.
on the 11th of july it will be a month since i been in Maryland <33 .

nothin like usually been going on.
hangin out wit h my lil cuz breezie anna & 2nd cuz calbee
& hangin with penny as much as i can

2nd cuz desis birthday party coiyuple wks ago
lol


i do miss my mom. & bethany lynn.
& steven.
& my friends.
& my home. & so for. lol

but im not homesick... well not yet for that fact lol.

i couldn't imagine
life with out you

Since you been gone..
Since you was grounded.
i didn't move on
i didn't find someone "NeW"
i didn't like no one
all on my mind was you
and only you
i loved you
i love you so much that i would take a bullet for you


When we started going out back in Jan.
I imagine life with you til the end of time
but then a lot of changes happen
It felt like you was changing.
not telling me the truth.
you played me.
the same night..
you had another "girl"
was i only ur ******** toy? >.<

How couldnt you tell me?

Now.
i'm here with out you
and i'm losing it
i'm wishing you were so close
wishing i had you back in my arms again.

I Want you back!
you made me ******** fall for you?
and then you do this to me?
and expect me just to forget it.
and live life with someone else? or alone?
NO
this will never happen
cuz
i only want the person i fell so hard for back in Jan
if i died today
would you regret
never telling me you loved me?
never telling me that you missed me?
never telling how you felt about us?

I just dont know what to do anymore
everything,
all the love songs
all the lose memories
everything.

now just sitting here
thinking about everything
how you sang to me
how you said you loved me
how you make me smile when im so low

i still love you
and i will always love you
you was the first guy who made me feel like you made me feel
i miss the guy i met in Jan
i really do miss you
and i dont know what i would do without you back into my life
and i so dont want to lose you justin, because i love you and just not talking to you makes me really sad t_t

i couldn't imagine
life with out you

When we started going out back in Jan.
I imagine life with you til the end of time
but then a lot of changes happen
It felt like you was changing.
always making up excuses
lying to me.
not telling me the truth.
you played me.
the same night..
you had another "girl"
i was only ur ******** toy. >.<

Now.
i'm here with out you
and i'm losing it
i'm wishing you were so close
wishing i had you back in my arms again.

I Want you back!
you made me ******** fall for you?
and then you do this to me?
and expect me just to forget it.
and live life with someone else? or alone?
NO
this will never happen
cuz
i only want the person i fell so hard for
if i died today
my note would be
"I DIED FOR LOVE"

What would you do if. . .
1. I committed suicide
2. I said I liked you
3. I kissed you
4. I lived next door to you
5. I started smoking
6. I stole something
7. I was hospitalized
8. I ran away from home
9. I got into a fight and you weren't there

What do you think about my. . .
1. Personality
2. Eyes
3. Face
4. Hair
5. Clothes
6. Mannerisms

Other
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
8. Do you love me?
9. Have I ever hurt you?
10. Would you hug me?
11. Would you kiss me?
12. Would you devirginize me?
13. Would you marry me?
14. Emotionally, what stands out about me?
15. Do you wish I was cooler?
16. On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
17. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
18. Am I loveable?
19. How long have you known me?
20. Describe me in one word.
21. What was your first impression of me?
22. Do you still think that way about me now?
23. What do you think my weakness is?
24. Do you think I'll get married?
25. What about me makes you happy?
26. What about me makes you sad?
27. What reminds you of me?
28. What's something that you would change about me?
29. How well do you know me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I would kill someone?
32. Are we close?
33. Are you going to put this in your journal and see what I say about you?

omg. i so want him back into my life.. life without him. idk wht i would do? he let me fall for him. and i did fall for him. Why... would he do something like that to me? God! I want you back. I do. I love you. I cant live without you. Life without him isnt worth living. I tryed to find somebody new. but i just cant. he has my <3. .....

haha gotcha! lol

ok.. soo yeahh i talked to justin the other night and things got preety interesting! wooow yeahh and well he might not get his car sooner sad but w/e he do! omg..we gonna have some ******** amazing fun! & no you cant join in xp Soo Yeahh! anyways haha lol i have been like not ok and from good to worse in the past month. everything is changing and i swear im changing im going back to that state i was in a few months ago. the depressed and didnt want to do anything. back to the cutting. and well i havent smoked in a long time. and i went back to not getting any sleep soo yeah im totally depressed. sad its sad. and one thing justin dont know about the cutting.. but w/e i get the ******** chance imma tell him and idk how hes gonna react about that or wat. he told me bout his prob he had so yeah i have to tell him & yeah im becomin kinda belimic/ anerizic. i dont eat much & i only and i only drink water. im always sad. and no matter what i do i end up screwing s**t up! it totally ******** sucks. its crazy. it makes me feel soo bad inside and other s**t! and my parents well aint treating me goodly. im gettin so much disrespect. they expect me to show them respect when they dont show it to me?? and i havent even heard thoses 3 words from them in over a yr maybe long. i want my parents to tell me they love me.. i want my parents to go up and hug me when im sad or crying. i want my parents to do everything for me.. but they to stuck up my sisters a**. and my dad is a ******** drunk soo yeah thats why im so ******** screwed up inside. my mom took my internet cord today. i wanted it back. and i was like "you do this to me...you're always do this to me" my bro he stayed home from school all last week! did he ******** get his playstation cord taken away??? HELL ******** NO! and ohh why.. my dad cares more about my sis & bro then he do me.. i kno he dont love me. he told me that months ago.. so im believeing it. cry

I felt soo emo this morning

hey everybody. hope yall doing good. well today is a good day & im happy. i finially talked to Justin <333 hes grounded for a month but 26 days soo i was happy 2 talk 2 him anyways ill write another day xp

i love you, i love you, i love you justin!

heart