Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals


View User's Journal

Subscribe to this Journal
Through The Eyes of a Child The journal of a child resigned to her fate. Neither living nor dead, lost in the world of the forgotten. Spurned by human and homunculi alike. Daring to survive. This is her story.

Community Member
RP update: Eleison....mors mortis animus
There it was. One single, lonely grave. The tombstone inscription was foreign, a language long dead and forgotten. Yet, somehow, her heart could read the words.

Bloodstained Sacrifice.
Lily of the Damned.
Death's Abomination.
Agony's Touch.
Child of Death.
Bear Ye Warning. These are the Titles of the
Creature beneath this Ground.
Bear Ye Warning, for Death Himself rejects her.

An iron fence surrounded the tiny grave, no bigger than that of a child. A fence that soared into the air, and tunneled deep underground, preventing any escape for such a big monster as the one laid to supposed rest in this place.

Yet....she could slip through the bars with ease. And slip through she did, to kneel at the grotesque headstone, feeling the indifferent chill of the granite beneath her thin fingers. She traced the alien words, feeling them burn into her memory, her heart, her soul.

She believed them. She knew them to be true. Yet...why on a gravestone? Why torment the dead? Why.....

She had so many questions, but no one would ever be able to answer them. This place was abandoned.

To be honest, she didn't even know why she was there, or how she got there. Or....really, where she was.

Everything was alien to her: The dark and overcast sky, the dead trees...everything. Yet, strangely, sitting here at the grave, she felt at home. As though this abandoned, lonely place was where she belonged.

A tear fell from an empty eye, unnoticed. Just like always....she was bound by Fate to be alone.

Isn't it better this way, though? she thought, turning so that she could sit with her back against the tombstone. Being here....I can't hurt anyone.

Wait.....what did she mean, can't hurt anyone? Who was there for her to hurt? And....why?

A frown knitted her brows together as she pondered this, not knowing why she had thought such things.

The tombstone shifted behind her, and she moved away from it, instinctively looking back at it.

The words written on it.....had she paid any attention to them before? They were so strange, so....alien. What did the tombstone say?

She reached out to trace the strange letters with her finger, and felt lancing fire burn it's way up her arm.



Lily of the Damned


Death Himself rejects her.

Bear Ye Warning....

Words flew at her in a ghostly whisper as internal fire ate up her body. Her empty eyes grew wide as she suddenly realized that she was missing a leg, and she was bleeding heavily where it should have been. She lowered her arms to try and staunch the flow, only to realize that her arms and hands were sliced practically to ribbons.

Then red fell over her eyes, and she could no longer see.

The fire was burning her. She screamed out in fear and torment....

And then there was nothing. She opened her eyes; her body was whole, no more voices whispered in her ears, no more burning fire.

And that memory was already beginning to fade. And she was growing tired. But a fierce unease was rising within her, along with a desperate longing.

There were more tombstones over there. Why hadn't she seen them before? There was a virtual army of graves, stretching out to infinity. Each tombstone bore the same, strange lettering as this one.

And her heart could read them all.

Killed in the fight against the Lily of the Damned.

Lost her life after being touched by the Bloodstained Sacrifice.

Murdered in cold blood by Death's Abomination. Shown no mercy.

And many thousands more. She felt horror growing inside of her.

But there were a few tombstones that were vaguely different from the rest. And it was these few....these few were the ones that really mattered.

Killed as a traitor, for bearing a monster. "Mama...."

Killed as a traitor, for attempted murder and protecting a monster. "Papa...."

The first killed in war, when another should have died in his place. The Chosen One. "My brother...."

Kitsune murdered by the Child of Death. A nobler woman never lived. "Kitsune....oh...no....."

She scrambled to her feet, trying to slip through the iron bars that surrounded this grave. But, strangely, she could no longer fit between the spikes, even though she had not 'changed' in any way.

She hung her head, dry sobs wracking her tiny body. "No....I...no. NO! I'm not a murderer!" She was screaming, trying to force....she didn't know who...to listen to her.

Behind her, the silent grave of the murderer who had done all these things opened suddenly, revealing the simple wooden coffin it held. She turned, suddenly fearful.

The coffin lid opened....

And she found herself staring at her own face, now scarred and malformed. This version held only one ear, one leg. Bright, still bloody wounds stretched across the corpse's body, adding to the grotesque parody.

Welcome home.

She dropped to her knees, staring at the malicious visage that seemed to look at her, even through dead eyes. Her body felt weak, and she trembled as tears ran down her face.

Then she felt herself being sucked forward. Desperately, she scrabbled at the ground, trying to keep from going any closer to the horrific...thing that looked like her...but simply couldn't be her.


The last thing she saw was her own terrified face reflected in the dead, hard eyes of a monster that never learned how to cry.

Dealing with loss
What do you do when you lose a best friend? Someone who's been there for you for God only knows how long...?

He was just a horse, a big baby.... but I loved him. Buck was too old for me to ride any more, but he was still a best friend. Sometimes he'd wake me up in the middle of the night, neighing for me to come out and talk to him for a while. And of course, I always would. I'd lay down with him, my head on his back, and just talk. I don't understand why, but he always liked that. And sometimes he'd whicker and snort at me, as though he were answering.
Buck followed me everywhere I went, as long a a fence didn't bar the way. And it wasn't just for the apples I sometimes had in my pockets. Sometimes, he didn't even want the apple. He wanted to eat my hair, and have me scratch behind his ears.

Buck was almost 35 years old. That's really old for a horse. I knew he wasn't going to last much longer....but I didn't expect it to happen so fast. He hasn't even been sick....

Today he was just walking around, and he fell suddenly. He couldn't get back up afterwards....Buck never cried out or anything. He just closed his eyes, sighed, and...that was it. He was gone.

My other horse, Midnight, hasn't stopped calling for him since it happened. She saw us bury him on the hill, where all of our other pets are buried, but she still won't stop crying. Right now she's pacing the fence, looking for him.

Watching her makes me want to cry even more. But I can't cry. I want to so badly....but I can't even make myself believe he's gone. I keep expecting him to come running up to the back fence, demanding his daily carrot. I know I'll wake up late tonight, thinking I've heard him calling for me. And when he doesn't...I don't know what I'll do.

God I want to cry.

Community Member

Community Member
RP Update: Darkness Rising
Editor's note: This entry is a continuation...of sorts...of this: First Signs While the entry itself has a different name, we have given it one that seems....more fitting. It is recommended that entry be read first. We on the editing staff are unsure as to why this particular entry was not part of the journals found, but ripped out and placed in hiding.

She screamed that night. A long, unending wail that, if any had been near to hear it, would have broken their hearts. To those few with ears trained for such things, it was the cry of a soul that has finally given up hope after a long and desperate struggle.

It was the sound of utter desolation.

At last her breath gave out, and she fell back against the cool ground, gasping for precious oxygen to fill her tortured lungs. Eyes that were blank, though they swirled with an unholy red light, stared up at the midnight sky. She searched for something...though even she didn't know what it was she searched for. Eventually, she gave up the search, rolling onto her side and sitting up.
Her eyes landed on the dark green grass, only barely lit by moonlight. Boiling hatred, dark and dangerous, rose within her at its color. Insensibly, her fingers ripped into the innocent grass, tearing large chunks of turf out of the ground. This continued for an untold amount of time; by the time her small, frail body had exhausted itself, the moon was beginning to set, and the first dim glimpses of dawn were on the horizon.
Exhausted, her eyes closed of their own will, and she drifted into nightmare-filled sleep where she lay.


It was night again when she woke. She rose from the ground silently, glaring at something only she could see. She stood slightly hunched over, as though in pain. For a creature so tiny, she emitted an incredibly evil aura; enough so that the few predators prowling near her steered well clear.
Looking out at the darkness around her through locks of untamed silver hair, her eyes perceived the movements of those aforesaid creatures as they hurried away from her. She could smell their fear, and a menacing smile twitched across her lips.

She began walking, not knowing where she was going, and nor did she care. Eventually, her feet would lead her to the one she wished to torture. And then....and then...
She chuckled as she stalked towards civilization. How LONG he had tormented her! How long she had supressed her hatred of him and the rest of their kind...forcing herself to be a 'good girl'....and the look on his face when she had told him just exactly what to expect from the real her! Oh, it had been priceless!
Zuni and Kah would have loved to see that.... she thought, grinning widely. But then....
"Zuni and Kah...." The grin disappeared, along with the bloodthirsty red light in her eyes, revealing the gentle, sad green beneath. "Zuni and Kah...."

Not even knowing where she was, she dropped to her knees. Eyes shifted, growing blank, beginning the nauseating swirl of unholy red and lost green once again.

And she screamed.

Quiz Thingie...
What if:
[1] I committed suicide-
[2] I said I liked you-
[3] I kissed you-
[4] I lived next door to you-
[5] I started smoking-
[6] I stole something-
[7] I was hospitalized-
[8] I ran away from home-
[9] I got into a fight and you weren't there-

What do you think about my:
[1] Personality-
[2] Eyes-
[3] Face-
[4] Hair-
[5] Clothes-
[6] Mannerisms-

[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you ******** me?
[13] Would you marry me?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?
[32] Are we close?
[33] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

Community Member

« Prev Set | Next Set » | Home
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum