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You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You call me Whiteboy", "Cracker", "Honkey", "Whitey" and you think it's OK.But if I call you, ******, k**e, Towelhead, Sand-******, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or c***k you call me a racist.
You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?
You have Miss Black America.
You have the United Negro College Fund.
You have Martin Luther King Day.
You have Black History Month.
You have Cesar Chavez Day.
You have Yom Hashoah
You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi
You have the NAACP.
You have BET.
If we had WET(white entertainment television) we'd be racists.
If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists.
If we had Miss White America, we'd be racists.
If we had white history month, we'd be racists.
If we had an organization for only whites to "advance" our lives, we'd be racists.
If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you know we'd be racists.
There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US,
yet if there were "White colleges" that would be a racist college.
In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights.
If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.
You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it.
But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.
You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black
gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.
I am proud.
But, you call me a racist.
Why is it that only whites can be racists?
 Vampire Dreamz · Tue Jul 10, 2007 @ 01:07am · 0 Comments |
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So my parents saw this thing on the news about homosexuality being a mental desiese and really took it to heart I mean they thing i have this now to tack onto whats wrong mentaly with me... so they are trying to get me to go to christian therapy for homosexuals... it is ment to make gays go straight now im sorry but I like men and woman on the same level and i know that its not a mental problem just like being a lush isnt a desiese... you made a choice to get drunk 24/7 and now no longer have any self control to it... homosexuality you just are or you arent... you can try to ignore it or try to act straight but inside you'll always know... and alot of homosexuals are made that way... men abused sexualy by men as a child often become gay ... in my case I think it was the fact my mother was never around and i was constantly around men for the first 13 years of my life... I talked like them acted like them for a good part of it while still remaining a little girly... i use to sit there when i was 7 and watch tv thinking certain girls were so gorgeous and sexy and hot.. I use to collect only the hottest female toys I could find I mean hell I was really intouch with my own sexuality as a child... ANYWAYS yeah as I was saying gay is NOT a mental disability its a way of life god these people are dumb... and the people who have actualy turned "straight" from this program say they still think about the other sex just not as much... that means THEY DIDNT GO ******** STRAIGHT THEYRE FAKES AND STIIL IMAGINE THE SAME SEX!!!! the bible says to think is as bad as to act well then those reformed gays are still ******** gay if they think about the same sex im sorry its just the way it is... you didnt help anyone except yourselves because now you think you are doing good... really its not youre just denying people of there true selves and in the end those people are going to hurt badly from it
Vampire Dreamz · Tue May 01, 2007 @ 06:44pm · 0 Comments |
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Well ive been sick for 18 days now... what the hell... ive never been sick this long in my whole life! perhaps I have mono again or something o.O I dont know this just really sucks I cant stop coughing and what not... I feel liek crap... perhaps slight depression keeps me sick, I dont know >.<
"Razors pain you; rivers are damp;
acid stains you; drugs cause a cramp.
Guns aren't IawfuI;
nooses give...
...gas smeIIs awfuI;
you might as weII Iive."
Vampire Dreamz · Sat Mar 24, 2007 @ 03:23am · 0 Comments |
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Well since march 4th around 4 pm when I woke up and was finaly sober I found myself with a horrid cold or flu... not sure which but it is very harsh... I think I picked it up at the rave lucky charms from the 3rd at 9pm till the fourth at 7 am. The first two days I was so cold I felt like I had been thrown in a freezer naked yet I was wearing two hoodies a tshirt pajama pants and slippers.... my throat hurt like someone had biten the whole back of it out then poured acid down my exposed spine... the next day im so warm I cant stop sweating, I mean im still getting the hold cold sweats but not as bad this is the first day ive really had time to sit and write anything on the computer... even with me this sick my parents still make me do about 4-5 hours of work a day along with taking care of the animals((which is hell when you can hardly stand youre so weak)) I passed out quite a few times durring and hit my head on the kitchen counter whilst doing dishes. Now I have the most lovely bruise on the side of my face. Last night I finaly got the coughing part of this nastey virus and I keep coughing up delightful bodily fluids and now blood from my throat going raw... Sadly my dad wont go and buy me anything to help with this cold/flu because that takes more money then we wants to spend on me right now for gas and to buy it... he said if i paid him he'd go get it... yet for my mom he will drive 20mins to get her a 7.00 ice cream at dairy queen... Isnt that nice.... There is way more to this and so much more anger because he said some really rude things and such but I dont have the energy to dwell on it and make myself angry in turn making me worse so yeah I hope to be back soon ^_^
Vampire Dreamz · Sat Mar 10, 2007 @ 09:37pm · 0 Comments |
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Yes, well, hmmmm....
for the past four weeks I have been having one of the oddest times... I had not slept for almost the whole first 3 weeks. I had slept in total 5 hours but this week I have not even really come out of my room just sleeping and only getting up when the parents drag me out and if then i maybe only stay up 20 minutes... I havent eaten anything except a cheeseburger and a turkey wrap in the whole 4 weeks and yet I dont find myself hungry at all I mean dont get me wrong im drinking like you wouldnt believe but thats it. Today I finaly stayed up all night and am starting on the day... All I want to do is distract myself from things that trouble me... sleep can do this at times until you dream about it, you toss and turn... your own crying waking you up and then you cant sleep another wink. the long hours sitting alone in ones room makes strange thoughts run threw your mind and in those long hours all you can do is bite your tongue and try not to scream... so instead I have been writing. sometimes things seems so bad and you wonder if it could get worse. I sit and wonder what more could go wrong with my life and could I be able to live threw it? I use to think of myself as somewhat strong but its so far from the truth............ if things got even a touch worse I think it would kill me. I wouldnt need to do anything no razors, no rope, no pills, no cliffs, just pain. Already I sit there and feel this empty lump in my chest as if someone had taken an ice cream scoop and dug out a perfect orb between my breasts then coated it with a thin layer of plastic all the while feeling that its empty inside yet there is still that balled shell of plastic. How pathetic this should sound to everyone hell im sure if i went over it I would think so also and call it EMO but its true and I cant help it no matter how much I wish I could... And all your christians I know heres a note for you...
DONT ******** PRAY FOR ME ANYMORE GOD DAMNIT!!!!!!!!
Vampire Dreamz · Fri Feb 23, 2007 @ 05:34pm · 2 Comments |
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So what has been happening in my life... If anyone cares here is update on my current situation
On jan 23 I believe it was I had company from a man i've known for 4 years over gaia. After so long it was great to finaly meet and find out that nothing changed since we were in person... other then being able to touch whee we actualy liked eachother more then expected which was really nice to know... Mainly all we did was watch movies and talk... went out for dinner and went to the mall... everything was just... sweet... I have never been around someone other then my now ex best friend aimee where we just talk and talk and talk for hours on end without it getting boring.
On another note im stuck at home to take care of my mother who just had and oral operation to remove a cyst... in only 4 days it ate 1/4th of her jaw bone... luckly they found it in time so she only lost a tooth and her jaw bone will grow back. They said there was a 40% chance her face would be paralized after the operation but luckily that was not the case.... I noticed how rude I am because when she went to the hospital all I was thinking is "I hope they cut out her tongue". Now on this very day I am missing cradle of filth AGAIN because of her... I dont mind this time but last time just pissed me off!! scream
I am so bored and not really in the mood to do anything.... not even type this s**t up... but im that bored im forcing myself to
Meh ******** it
end of entry!!!
Vampire Dreamz · Fri Feb 09, 2007 @ 12:17am · 0 Comments |
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Well it seems I got my net back... finally... It only took 9 months stare .
Whats new with me.... well nothing you would really care about hearing.... I moved out from aimees place and living at home again with the god damned parents. I thought they changed but I was wrong theyre going back to the way they were but im stronger now, nothing bugs me like it use to... perhaps I have grown even more jaded and even colder then before. I cant help it sometimes I just zone out as if it isnt even me anymore and im looking down upon myself. some things can keep me grounded but most of the time I just dont feel the same.... everything is different now... so much drama and what not has sort of killed most of my emotions towards everything. Even this sounds dramatic or Emo whichever you like to label it as but its the feelings I have even if I wish I could change the at times and be happy, carefree, even giddy. That is also a rare thing with me now except when i am talking with those who mean so much to me and have been there for me threw it all... I wish I could repay you for helping me keep what little sanity I think I may have a grasp on.
Vampire Dreamz · Sun Jan 21, 2007 @ 12:24am · 0 Comments |
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No man ever hears the woman say no... stop... I dont like that... no man cares to hear it when they are trying to get what they want... you can cry and nobody hears... nobody cares... youre screams mean nothing more to them then a fuel to there perverted fire... every touch a sickening poison you feel coursing threw your body until you feel as if youre going to vomit.... the lips touch and you bit his almost off until he bleed but does it stop him? does three hours of fighting stop him? does being drunk stop him from noticing his index and middle finger just got broken.... does it stop him from feeling that his lips will need stitches that his neck is bleeding that his whole body is bruised... and thats what you did trying not to hurt him because no matter how much you would like to break his neck when you are gripping his throat you cant knowing what would happen if you did. the whole night crying after until the next day, not eating, not sleeping, nobody there to hold you and say its alright....nobody there the next day or even the next... alone and thats how it will always ******** be.
lying naked alone
on the bathroom floor
i keep waiting?
pain, fear
no more
and i can't get his sins off me
she wants to be a messiah
without the crucifixion
she wants to ******** delilah
without samson's intervention
she wants to be a deity and rule us everyday
and punish the wars of your rich gods and the martyrs that they slay
she wants to see galaxies
all the planets and the stars
she wants to be a fallen angel without the swollen scars
unclean
unclean
filthee
and i can't get his sins off me
unclean
unclean
filthee
and i can't get this sins off me
it' supposed to say-
unclean
unclean
filthee
i can't get this scent off me (twice)
she wants to free the kingdom
be worshipped by the earth
she wants to be the prophet
for ten times what shes worth
she wants to break free from eve
and leave them all behind
to be born again in the thrill of sin
and revive her dying mind
she wants to stand
raid the king
slaughter the guards and kill everything
burn the world and let her soul be free
light the noble of eternity
unclean
unclean
fillthee
and i can't get his sins off me
unclean
unclean
fillthee
and i can't get his sins off me
don't touch me there
oh, i know you're scared
kill the need in me
and i remain
unclean
unclean
fillthee
and i can't get his sins off me
unclean
unclean
fillthee
and i can't get his sins off me
why should i be afraid?
it's not the first time i've tasted pain
why should I be afraid?
it's not the first time i've tasted pain
and i can't get his sins off me
Vampire Dreamz · Mon Jul 24, 2006 @ 09:00am · 2 Comments |
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Why is it a man finds the need to tease himself yet thinks you are at the root of it? I notice a woman can say no thats never ever going to happen and a man still pushes the subject. they think you are leading them on because you tell them you dont give a good god damn if they like you? wow how much of a flirt am I then because i constantly tell certain people i will never sleep with them or whatever it is they are wanting but they try so hard after that fact... it makes no sence like for example; this guy i know decides to tell me he's liked me sexualy since i was 13 which kind of creeps me out but then he talks about wanting to eat me out and starts doing things he never did before like pinching my a**. No matter how harshley i tell him to ******** off he wont stop and says i put out signals to make him think he has a chance. do all guys do this i've noticed 4 who do. Meh whatever, what are you going to do.
ANWAYS im out of my city visitng some family and a few friends ive been here 2 weeks and im going to be here yet another week till I get a ride. I noticed how much i miss the internet this last week after being able to play on it for a few hours. perhaps i may get it back at one point but who really knows.
Vampire Dreamz · Wed Jul 19, 2006 @ 09:33am · 0 Comments |
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