|
|
|
I'm okay I guess. I am still out of work and I have been sick again. My writng has gone the way of the pathetic and I am looking that Medicare and Food Stamps are the only way out. I am so not happy with my life right now. I feel that I should be put out of my misery some days and people shouldn't waste their time on me. Sitting in my apartment that my dad pays for I feel like a failure, a race horse that has tripped just ouside the gate. Its really hard for me to look at people, listen to them talk of how they work too much or don't have enough money to go around. I don't have any money, I put up a brave front and I pretend I am content with myself. I drown myself in innane thoughts and hope somebody shows me some pity. Then I realize I am stupid for letting myself fall so far.
I just want a reason to get up in the morning, something to talk about besides what i saw on the news, a reason I can allow myself to live for. That this pathetic shell of a person can stop whining to the converted, preaching to deaf ears and move on. I am the suck. I am the lame,the tired of being tired. The world has screwed me and all that is left is a broken shell of a geek. Okay, I get it.
I am broken, hope is a commodity that I have pretty much run out of around here. I feel in the air. My mother drags herself out of bed to a thankless job she has come to regret having, my brother hides behind a mask of ignorance and war memorabilia and convinces himself that things will make up for the lack of friends he has. My father, isolates himself with his whore of a fiance and replacement son, forgetting that I nor my brother exist except for the money and "trouble" we cause him. Even taking the pills I don't care anymore but I am too stubborn to let go of the life that I have been given. I just want to hide in the darkest corner of my room and pretend that this existence is a life I actually wanted.
Right now, I know I sound like a spoiled child, a sheltered suburbanite but i am allowed this. This chance to say what I mean. I am unhappy and I have been unhappy for a long time. The brief moments of happiness I recieve are the moments I cling to and the people who grant them to me and the ones I want near.
So if I don't speak at least know I listen. I try to be a good person, I want to be. So at least listen to this rant, let my excuses be an escape for yours. Its the only thing I can do.
 stafffighter · Wed Apr 19, 2006 @ 05:47pm · 1 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Okay, the new layout is out and I personally have no problems with it. Its easier for me, personally to use. It has its problems but so did the other layout. People complained then, why so much now? I mean nothing is perfect and this is a free site, it could be a lot worse.
The admins and programmers try to make this site a more fun place to be and I just hate to see how many people are hating this layout and threatening to leave. Gah, its just so very frustrating. You chose to come to this site, nobody made you stay here. if you're going to quit, just do it. Please stop making I hate this layout threads, its irritating.
I think we should be a little more grateful that they actually care about this site and make it better. I just want to enjoy the site, like I have been since 2003.
Even when Gaia was barely a site, I loved it and I wanted to see it become more. So far, I like what it has become. The one thing I don't like is, all the whining about everything. Its made me want to stop coming to Gaia. But I haven't, I say my peace and go back to enjoying the site.
I've made friends here, I've had fun. Why do some people want to be such trolls? neutral neutral
stafffighter · Thu Dec 22, 2005 @ 02:41am · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Its been a little slow lately at work but its due to the snowage and iceage we've been getting here. I finally saved enough for those Romani glsses I've wanted for a long time. I even snagged me a yellow guppy cap. Spiffy. Now I want some more items and I really like the earning gold thing. Guilds are a little more fun now, especially the Link Park guild. Its fun.
Laters
stafffighter · Mon Jan 24, 2005 @ 12:44am · 1 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
I am posting in this to find out exactly how this works. I mean I am not sure what I am doing here but I'll try it.
Its been kinda fun on Gaia lately. Guilds are a little slow and I'm getting interested in the Halloween event. I wonder what it will be?
stafffighter · Thu Oct 28, 2004 @ 07:29pm · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
