I don't know why, but I seem to attract touchy-affectionate friends. I'm getting better at it, but instinctively when I see open arms coming at me I push people away. I don't understand hugs in the sense that I think others do. I see them as being powerful, they prove that one trusts the other, that theyv'e come to an agreement or understanding internally. Most people Iv'e met see them as intervals between every sentence to prove that your really "BFF"s or whatever stupid word they really use. I think that the lightness we are giving touch makes it less special to those who recieve it (and I do not mean in a gross sexual way.)
Human interactions can be terrifying. They can end lives, and they can create them. They comfort, and dehumanize. Sometimes, I wish that everyone shared the logic around this kind of stuff that other animals do, interacting has rhyme and reason to it with them. I know that no one means me harm, but hugs that seem to be in the wrong moment make me feel threatened and confused. I am not trying to send out a message or whatever saying 'Don't touch me. I'm better than you, and a nervous wreck.' Besides, internet *hugs* aren't the same, I just need to get it out. To feel understood.