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So today was my birthday.

nothing too special, still feel the same.
oh wait. now i can drink in canada... better get my passport renewed...

well today was different from the years past.

no cake. less gifts (bad economy bad!)
i got cards from my family.. but i miss the family part of birthdays...

so me and dad are now another year older. i got him an mp3 player... i think he really likes it. i put some old music on it for him...

but no mexican restaurant this year... we didn't even bring grandma with us.

i skipped out of going to the movies with my parents. body of lies... yeah i wanted to see it... but i wanted to just cuddle with john and watch charlie and the chocolate factory...

then i ended up losing track of time.... late to my own dinner... ouch. my mom was pissed. they both were silent.

dont get me wrong. today was alright up to that point.

then i got a phone call from my aunt wishing me a happy birthday... and i heard my uncle in the background. then he sand happy birthday to me... i tried to keep from crying. for he was the only one to sing that silly little song to me. yeah i fought crying. then i did cry a little after i hung up.

john went home after dinner. i silently cried. then when we got home. i sat in the car alone and cried. yeah i feel crummy. yeah i bring it upon my self every time. with my luck i would be late to my own funeral... i dont know why i dislike and have the inability to be at places on time.

sometimes i wish i can go back to the old days. back when life was simpler.

yes i feel lonely. yes i am tired. yes i am spoiled. but the weird thing is. if i was any different. would you really like me any better? cos then i wouldn't be the me you see.

the thing that makes me saddest is that there was no cake. its not just the cake. the song. The Candles. no candle no wish.... then again. i probably don't deserve a wish right now. the one i make every year wouldn't come true tonight any ways.... its a clear sky.. so.. now snow....

so... another day passes and now i am 19.